Tuesday, December 23, 2014

THE NEEDING SEASON

A FICTION BASED ON TWO REALITIES:

She'll be so glad when the holidays are over!  The whole thing exhausts her.  So much to do, never enough time.  She's so distracted she often run out on some errand without her coat!  Coats are such a bother anyway, trying to get her seatbelt fastened over all that bulk!  She guesses she could grab a lighter weight jacket, or her rain coat.  Crazy how everyone needs about five different weights of clothing in the Northwest!
     Shirley shuffled along Hewitt Avenue.  The air was turning cold, night was not far off and she heard a man on the corner talk about snow coming.  She pulled her sweater around her a little tighter.  She'd walked the entire length of Hewitt ten times that day.  Killing time.  Trying to keep warm…

He's getting so frustrated with shopping this year!  Toys are getting so expensive!  He must have made 20 trips to Toys R Us.  Every time he spent more than intended, but oh well.  Christmas only comes once a year and he doesn't want to disappoint the kids on Christmas morning.  The bills won't come in for a few weeks anyway.  Thank God for plastic!
     Carmin waited in line outside Santa's House on the first shopping day.  It was 7:00 a.m. and the doors didn't open until 9:00, but she knew she needed to get there early to get anything decent.  The good stuff went fast.  Donated toys were often broken or worn.  She spent Christmas Eve washing a dirty set of plastic play dishes last year -- a partial set.  She hoped to find a nice doll for Grace this year, but she knew she'd just have to take what she could get…

Of course there's also all the last minute shopping.  You know, those gifts you didn't intend to get, but you got one from them so now you feel obligated and there's always a last minute party invitation that requires a hostess gift.  Well, that's what the season is for, right?  Generosity and good will toward all!  Just like the Hallmark cards say!  She also sees so much she just can't resist for herself too!  And decorations!  So many cute things to make the house sparkle.  Oh, she loves Christmas -- so beautiful!
     The van was crowded.  They'd kept moving it, to avoid suspicion.  It was getting cold at night, too.  The social worker said all the shelters were full.  Christmas was coming, but they could hardly put up a tree in the van!  Bill had been out looking for work all day.  Cindy and the kids had gone to the park early that morning to play, sit, and wait.  Finally she saw the van coming.  Bill climbed out and handed her a sprig of holly.  He wasn't smiling.  She tied the holly to the antenna with a piece of string she'd found on the ground.  They watched the kids swing.  Maybe they'd come back here on Christmas morning.  There was a big tree in the park, all lit up.  There wouldn't be any presents, or much food, or a warm fire, but at least they were still together….

I tell you though, family is what Christmas is really about!  Even though they can sure be annoying!  Uncle Hal is so boring!  And can anyone bear  to eat one more of Aunt Helen's "amazing jello salads"?  And couldn't people just NOT watch sports all day on the holidays?  Sometimes he wishes he could just go off by myself.  Now that would really be a special holiday!
     Rosa sat in the dark, holding her baby, both of them crying.  How had this happened to her?  In Mexico she was a bank executive.  Here she was a fugitive.  She'd come to this country with her American husband, but after all the beatings at his hand she ran from him.  Now the immigration service was looking for her.  She was not legal; she'd be deported and her baby would go to her husband or into foster care.  She missed her family in Mexico City.  What would she do?  Her tears continued to fall…©
***********************

We think of Christmas as the season of giving, but the season of giving never ends so long as the season of needing goes on and on and on.  I originally wrote this piece in 1991, based on stories I'd known of through the social service agency where I worked.  It's been published a couple of times since then and still, not so much has changed in 2014.

Thanks, Karen, for all the opportunities to contribute food and clothing at the studio this season to help those in our community and beyond.

May this holiday season be filled with blessings and generosity. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

COMPASSIONATE PIGEON

I really got frustrated with myself in class on Tuesday.  There is one series of poses we do occasionally, and when I say do, in my case I mean "attempt".  From Pigeon Pose we do a twist, where the idea is to grab hold of our leg bent up behind us….whatever.  I can't do it.  And I feel so klutzy and frustrated and sad and humbled when that happens.  Tuesday I was in full self-flagellation mode when Karen said, "It's also OK to rest on your elbows on the floor instead of having straight arms…."

Oh.  Well then.  I did a modified version of that pose just fine!  Why do we forget to take care, to modify, to honor our bodies and our own less than bend-y, stretch-y places?  Why are we so quick to be our own harshest critic -- whether on the mat, at work, in our relationships, or looking into the mirror?

I got my first copy of a new magazine subscription last week, the December issue of Mindful.  It's full of great articles; the cover story being about Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, and the revolutionary way he is coaching the team to success.  (Go Hawks!)  

The article that spoke to me this morning, though, is entitled: Try a Little Self-Kindness by Kristin Neff.  Ms. Neff contrasts self-esteem and self-compassion and explains how self-compassion is a practice that puts our humanity in harmony with others.  We all have times of pain and suffering.  Learning to be compassionate toward ourselves opens us to compassion for others.  

We also get to practice on ourselves that which we probably already offer to our friends -- support, encouragement, and positive regard.   If the person next to me on their mat is struggling with a pose, I don't lean over and whisper, "Wow, you suck.  Why can't you do that?  You've gotten out of shape and put on a few pounds, haven't you?  I bet you feel pretty embarrassed right now.  Sure, go ahead and cry.  You should feel bad.  In fact, maybe you should just give up and not come back."  Sounds silly, huh?  Have you ever treated yourself this way?  Unfortunately, I have.

Ms. Neff offers a three-part intervention when we start with the negative self-talk.  She says when we start to feel badly, we need to take a self-compassion break:   

1.  Put your hands over your heart (or another part of your body that feels nurturing -- belly, face, etc).  Pause, feel the warmth there.
2.  Breathe deeply in and out.
3.  Speak these words out loud or silently (or other words that have the same meaning for you)
"This is a moment of suffering; suffering is part of life; may I be kind to myself; may I give myself the compassion I need."

Here are the words that I think will work for me:
"Wow, I feel shitty right now.  Everyone feels like this at one time or another, I suppose.  I need to stop and be gentle with myself right now.  I'm going to smile at myself and be kind…as kind as I'd be to another person experiencing this."

I think I'll give this a try next time I start to hurt myself with my own self-judgements.  I will likely have ample opportunities to practice.  But practice makes perfect -- and if my compassion is perfected, it doesn't matter what else is still a work in progress.  (I'm lookin' at you Pigeon With a Twist…) ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_dimol'>dimol / 123RF Stock Photo</a>



Wednesday, December 10, 2014

FEED YOUR BRAIN

Well, here we are…the holiday season.  I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this whole extravaganza.  Love the lights, the music, the smiles.  Hate the work, worry, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and too much socializing -- which I basically don't like at any time of year, but usually I can mediate and manage my energy level and degree of attention I give to those activities.  Starting with Thanksgiving and right through to January 1st, however, this list of least favorite things to do seems to become mandatory.

My Yoga practice, my meditation practice, my jaunts on the treadmill all seem to fall to the bottom of my "to do" list -- even though I know they should be top priorities.  But when, exactly, will I do everything else????  Oh dear….I need another cookie.  (Add over-eating to the stress list.)

I have worked hard over the years to give myself permission to pull way back and, really, my self-imposed quest for perfection has become more in line with reality.  Still, there are certain expectations.  Family traditions that must not be left out, something to eat and drink when people show up, a gift here and there.

And maybe I could grab the vacuum and dust cloth and give everything the once over.  I did that this morning, then took a closer look at my hardwood floors and wondered when the last time they'd been really cleaned had been.  Out came the damp mop for most, then on my hands and knees for the kitchen.  I'm waiting for the floors to dry now, zipping through Facebook posts, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" playing on the stereo, with me counting the days until he shows up and wondering if I'll be ready.

I believe my Guardian Angel just took some pity on this stressed and frantic woman and plopped this link in my Newsfeed:  http://www.feelguide.com/2014/11/19/harvard-unveils-mri-study-proving-meditation-literally-rebuilds-the-brains-gray-matter-in-8-weeks/

If stress (like Christmas season craziness) causes our brains to atrophy, isn't it better to find a stress-free substitute, like meditation, to build that gray matter back up?  This is so encouraging!  And easy!  Well, it does take practice to quiet that Screaming Meemie who wants me to make another "to do" list and get moving on the next festive holiday task, but when I am quiet, I remember that all of this hub-bub is just a human creation.  We invented the whole "celebration" season, helped along by commercialism and someone else's idea of what we should be doing to be good parents, grandparents, hosts, and revelers.

Christians celebrate this month as that of Jesus' birth.  Pagans recall the "old times" of gods and goddess, the Solstice and return of light.  The joy of those events, and others, has nothing to do with elves, piles of gifts, home baked goodies, groaning sideboards, or even clean floors.  I keep forgetting that.

Let's get quiet.  Let's turn inward.  Let's give our stressed out brains a rest and give ourselves the gift of a brain that is always growing, ever strong, constantly adapting to what we "feed" it.  Let's feed it love and good will and a sense of peace this holiday season.  Could be the best gift of all. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_i3alda'>i3alda / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Friday, November 28, 2014

REMEMBERING NOT TO FALL

 Are you like me?  Do you get to the airport and see that escalator to ticketing and check-in,  thinking, "Well, I should probably take the elevator.  I've got two rolling suitcases and a heavy backpack and I'm a little off balance with my load, but where the heck is that elevator anyway?  I'm sure I'll be fine on the escalator…" Then comes that tense no-turning-back moment when indeed, you have two rolling suitcases suddenly deciding to roll in different directions!  But you've committed to this, so forward is the only option.  I've usually been successful.

But last year on our annual trip to Hawaii I met my match with an escalator that was out to get me.  We stay at a place that has an unusually long escalator to the lobby below street level. On the day we checked out to come home, we had all our bags corralled for the shuttle to the airport and headed for the escalator.  At the bottom, looking up, I hesitated, knowing this would be a challenge.  But my husband was already about half-way up and the people behind me were hot on my heels, so readied to step aboard.  I decided to push my suitcase on first and I followed.  Just as I did, my overloaded and unbalanced backpack slipped from my shoulders knocking into my suitcase which did a little 180 spin and tumbled down a step into my legs, which buckled ever so slightly as my suitcase began to tumble toward my feet.  In a flash I saw all of this happening and somehow kept my balance, made a little leap over the suitcase onto the next moving stair, grabbed the suitcase handle, righted the bag and proceeded up the escalator, unscathed.

I have no rational explanation for this.  I am not overly graceful, agile, or athletic.  In fact, in the midst of it all I was absolutely convinced serious injury awaited me at the bottom of the moving stairway where I was sure to end up in heap of limbs askew and baggage atop me, strangers rushing to my aid. There might even be blood.  But that didn't happen.  When I realized I was upright, and still in possession of my suitcase and backpack, and headed up the escalator, it felt like I'd just had some sort of out-of-body experience.  Only the shocked looked on my husband's face confirmed I'd nearly wiped out big time.  (He heard the commotion and turned to see the spectacle.)

I decided to immediately attribute my aversion of disaster to yoga.  I am convinced some muscle memory of balance and strength, maybe even an asana akin to tumbling down a stairway?, saved the day.  Can it be that the poses we assume with concentrated attention eventually become so ingrained that they are transferrable to everyday circumstances and come to our rescue without thought?

Yes!  "When you move, you activate sensors (called proprioceptors) in  your muscles, tendons, and joints that constantly give feedback to your central venous system about where your body is in space, so it knows what muscles to fire next, " says Adam Knight, Ph.D., an assistant professor of biomechanics at Mississippi State University.  It's a continuous feedback loop from your brain to your muscles and back.  "Your brain creates pathways through your central nervous system, and movements become automatic," adds Wayne Westcott, Ph.D., fitness research director at Quincy College in Massachusetts.  ("The Secret to Being Fit for Life: Muscle Memory", Women's Health, November 9, 2010).

This must be it!  My body has learned to right itself when off balance and which muscles to fire when strength is needed.  How else to explain the unexplainable outcome of a klutz who didn't wipe out when she most certainly could have!?!  I won't be regularly challenging my body to save me every time I make a questionable decision, but I am happy to know I've got this "yoga bonus" as back-up when I need it. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDLINESS

Happy Thanksgiving!  Tomorrow is the "official" day of giving thanks…the day we slow down and get intentional about counting our blessings.  At my house this year I'm reviving an old tradition from when my now grown sons were children -- I cut out construction paper shapes of autumn maple leaves and attach a string to them.  Each person will take as many leaves as they want and write a word or phrase of something they are thankful for and then we will hang them from the bare branches of this little "Thanksgiving Tree".  I hope my 5 year old granddaughter will enjoy this tradition as much as her daddy and her uncle did at her age.

But really, everyday is a day of thankfulness, isn't it?  And a day for remembering those we love and maybe even appreciating those we don't know so well, but who come into our lives in various ways.

This Thanksgiving Day I plan to make my morning meditation one of Loving-Kindness.  Do you know about the practice of Loving-Kindness Meditation?  This practice is a common one in many traditions.  Joel & Michelle Levey describe it in their book, Luminous Mind.  In Sanskrit "lovingkindness" is called maitri -- "unconditional friendliness".  Isn't that great?!?

Here's how it goes:  Get into a meditative state of mind and body.  You know, sit quietly and comfortably with a straight spine, close your eyes, breathe deeply and regularly.  When you are ready you can begin the Loving-Kindness meditation words directed at yourself (I say these silently, but hey, out loud works too.)  Take your time…don't rush.  Really focus on the words and the meaning and your heartfelt desire to send (and receive) this blessing.

May I be happy and peaceful.
May I be free from fear and pain.
May I live with love and compassion.
May I fully awaken and be free.

Isn't that a lovely little blessing to yourself?

Now change it up a bit to direct it to those you love, those who really make your heart happy, usually family and close friends.  Hold images or thoughts of these people in your mind as you repeat and direct your Loving-Kindness to them:

May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be free from fear and pain.
May you live with love and compassion.
May you fully awaken and be free.

Doesn't that just feel great?  You are sending a blessing to those you cherish!

Next let your mind find a group of people or acquaintances about whom you feel neutral; they are out there, but you don't really know them -- the clerk at the grocery store, a neighbor you recognize but don't really know, maybe a co-worker you know but feel neutral about.   Let your heart find a feeling of kindness toward these people as you repeat the words of Loving-Kindness.

May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be free from fear and pain.
May you live with love and compassion.
May you fully awaken and be free.

Now the tricky one.  Let your mind turn towards someone you really don't like.  Someone who has caused you pain or resentment.  Someone you hope not to have to see or interact with again.  Can you find it in your heart to offer them this Loving-Kindness meditation?  Can you see that their healing can be a blessing to all in their sphere of influence -- even you?

Try it.  Let your mind focus on someone you really have problems with.  Let your heart open, even just a bit, to their humanity as you repeat:

May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be free from fear and pain.
May you live with love and compassion.
May you fully awaken and be free.

That one takes some practice -- maybe "fake it 'til you make it" -- but eventually you will find your own peace in this blessing.

I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  I will take a handful of construction paper leaves from the pile tomorrow and write out my gratitudes.  At least one will say: Yoga.  At least one will say: Yoga Circle Studio.  At least one will say: YOU, offered with Loving-Kindness. ©

Namaste...donnajurene




Saturday, November 22, 2014

THROWING ME A CURVE




"Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine that occurs most often during the growth spurt just before puberty."  (Mayo Clinic website)

Yep, that's about right.  That's about when I vaguely recall standing in a doctor's office with my mom staring at x-rays hanging in front of the lightbox, the doctor explaining to my mother why my right hip was so much more pronounced than my left.  He didn't explain to me why my body was this way, or what could be done about it.  I just remember feeling like there was something weird and wrong with me -- pretty much how adolescents feel about everything, I suppose.  I do recall being a little frightened by this structural anomaly.

I am lucky.  My scoliosis did not worsen and it has not caused me chronic pain or obvious deformity.  My guess is most people can't tell by looking at me.  And I've learned to live with it and compensate for it.  My mother was a crackerjack seamstress and she would sew most of the skirts and pants to add the extra inch or two on the right side to make the hem hang evenly.   When buying clothes I choose those that aren't too obviously "crooked" on my body.  I notice that when I think I'm standing up (or even sitting up) perfectly straight, a glance in the mirror tells me that what feels "straight" to me is actually a tilt to the left, my right shoulder raised and right hip jutting out a bit.  I straighten my stance and feel like I'm tipping over.

Since practicing Yoga I notice my scoliosis every time I step on the mat.  I practice in Staff Pose and Mountain Pose what it feels like to really stand up straight -- to lower that right shoulder and level both hips.  I notice that the left side of my body is so much more flexible than my right -- I can bend and twist with a far greater range of motion on the left.  Even balance poses are different from one side to there other.  I will admit this frustrates me at times -- a person who loves symmetry.

Maybe this awareness causes me to be ever-conscious of wanting to be in proper alignment.   I can't see my own body when in asana, so I'm not sure, relying on our teachers at Yoga Circle to help me with alignment.  For me, it's not just wanting to get the pose "right" (I can let go of that kind of perfectionism), but wanting my body to learn what it feels like to be "straight", to know my skeleton is doing all it can to support me to the best of its ability, given that crazy curve I've lived with since I was twelve years old, wondering what this thing called "scoliosis" would mean for me.

It has meant, all these many, many, many years later that my body has humbled me, but not really betrayed me after all.   Practicing Yoga has allowed me to be aware of my imperfection in a way that brings acceptance (grudgingly at times) to the asymmetrical aspects of my practice.  There will always be poses that challenge me because of this condition; differences that show up on the mat from one side of my body to the other.

As always, Yoga is there to teach that no matter what we live with, we can use calm focused attention and slight, effective adjustments to bring awareness to our reality.  Instead of being angry and sad and deciding "I can't", most days I try to practice saying to my curvy spine, "Hello, old friend….let's just do the best we can today, OK?"  And I remember to be grateful for the gift of awareness, strength, and healing that is Yoga. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: http://clipart-library.com/clipart/202843.htm

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

RANDOM POINTS TO PONDER….Breathe, Listen, Clean, Get a Groovy Name

My brain is flitting about like the hummer at the window feeder this morning.   Random thoughts:

1.  When our teacher, Karen, says "hold for three more breaths" or "hold for six more breaths", does it also seem to you that the harder the asana pose the longer those three or six breaths seem to last?   Or is my counting off?  (I guess a panting breath in plank is faster than a slow deep breath in Hero's Pose, but still…. all together now… one, two, three!)

2.  This one confused me, but I took it in stride since I'm married to a health care provider and strange body topics are sort of normal at my house:  Folded into Child's Pose I heard Karen say, "Listen to your bowel sounds."  Well, OK, weird, but I'll listen since my ears are now very close to that area of my body.  Then she went on to say, "ooohhh, aaaahhhh, eeeee" and I got it!  VOWEL sounds!  HAHAHA!

3.  I've been on a clutter-busting and organizing binge at my house.  It feels good but I have trouble motivating myself to keep up with regular cleaning.   Yet, when I think of it in terms of one of the Eight Limbs of Yoga, housework becomes a part of my Yoga practice and I feel all spiritual about it!  Yay! Rolf Gates discusses the Niyamas in his Meditations from the Mat book explaining the Niyama Sauca, which speaks to the experience of purity and cleansing.  This is both an internal and external practice.  Just as we let go of thoughts and practices that no longer serve our well-being, we must also ensure that we create and maintain a healthy physical environment that is conducive to peace and growth as well.  Look around; how are your surroundings affecting you?   For me clutter is visual noise -- distracting, overwhelming, oppressive.  I'm trying to attend to my Niyama practice in this area.   Anything to get the vacuuming done so my floor isn't so crunchy.

4.  I'm sometimes jealous of people with cool spiritual names.  How do they come by those, I wonder? I see these northern European descent, rather pedestrian-looking folks who have really Enlightened- sounding names.  Does Penelope just decide one day to be "Devi" or does John become "Anastu" with a snap of the fingers?  I assumed these cool names are bestowed by a guru, so then I became sort of jealous of people who had actual Indian gurus.  Where could I get one of those who would then give me a cool name?  Donna is so….1950's; so…..Midwest; so…..not exotic.  

One problem is my skepticism about gurus.  I think there are wise people around, but often the trick is how to tell the difference between the real deal and a pretender who has been elevated in status by our  longing for a saint to deliver us from our own confusion.

One guy I have met and hung out with a bit is Jai Uttal, well-known Kirtan artist.  His name, Jai, was actually given to him by a real, genuine guru, Neem Karoli Baba at his ashram in Vrindravan, India back in the late '60's.  This is the ashram and the guru who also found devotees in Ram Das (of Be Here Now fame) and Krishna Das, probably the best known Kirtan artist in the world.

So, I asked Jai how to get a groovy name like all the cool kids have.  He just laughed and said, "I'll give you one…Donna Nirvana!"  We both laughed; so silly!  But, actually, I secretly like it and secretly believe this little confection of a spiritual name may have just as much relevance and import as some others I've heard.  So there! ©

Namaste....donna-nirvana-jurene

Photo credit: louliabolchakova@123RF


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

GIVE UP ALL HOPE

I had a funny, light-hearted little essay in mind for this week's post, but I've lost interest in that since last Friday.  That was the day we took our turn in the spotlight as yet another school shooting happened in our own "backyard", in Marysville, Washington.  The folks in surrounding communities are still reeling from the tragedy of three teens dead, two still in critical condition, and one, thankfully, recovering.  The entire town is covered in red and white ribbons, school colors, united in grief and support.

So many of us in the surrounding communities have been touched by this event -- many of us know families and kids who have direct connections to the school, but even if we don't, this is something that has happened to ALL of us just by virtue of proximity.  We are all impacted by the response -- whether it be well-meaning and tender or judgmental and angry.

We each get to decide, I guess, what our response is, especially on a deep and private level.  One's religious and spiritual beliefs can provide a balm.   For me, the practices of meditation and yoga bring a sense of calm and order to that which is noisy and chaotic -- true both in "normal" everyday life and especially true when something so outrageously out of the ordinary happens.  I have sat and quieted my mind often over the past several days, lighting candles of remembrance and support for the families of the shooter and the victims, for the families I know, and for those I don't.

I turned to Pema Chodron's book, "When Things Fall Apart" for wisdom this morning, expecting to find words of encouragement and hope.  Instead, I found the advice to "let go of all hope".  Puzzled, I kept reading:  "Giving up hope is encouragement to stick with yourself, to make friends with yourself, to not run away from yourself, to return to bare bones, no matter what's going on.  Fear of death is the background of the whole thing.  It's why we feel restless, why we panic, why there's anxiety.  But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death."

Again, we are reminded that it is only this very moment, yes, this one…this breath…that is real.  Regret is in the past and hope is in the future.  Living NOW breaks through the illusion that our minds can control events.  I find something comforting in that after all, even if I want to argue with the logic, to grieve the senselessness of what happened.

The other day I actually wrote a post on my other blog http://myviewfromhere-donna.blogspot.com entitled: "Choose Hope" because that is my default mode.  But in reading "When Things Fall Apart" this morning I was introduced to this different perspective.  Still, Pema doesn't say not to feel anything; she says to feel it all deeply, with every ounce of attentiveness we can give our experience in this moment, then to also realize the next moment will be a new experience…so let it all go and be open to what comes.

Circumstances have conspired to keep me from the Yoga studio since last Friday, but I am eager to return there tomorrow to sit with my teacher, be in community with the other students, breathing  together in shared focus and shared commitment to bringing calm presence into our lives through our Yoga practice.

The peace I feel there, the time we share together, the love that lives in our hearts, cannot be defeated.  This is your moment.  Live and Love. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

11/12/14 UPDATE:  Since this was posted, the teen who was recovering has been released from the hospital and is home.  The two teens who had remained in critical condition have both died.  Five teens dead; one recovering.  The sadness, resilience, questions, and determination go on.

Friday, October 17, 2014

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE


I did something really whacky in class this week.  I unfurled my mat on the wrong side of the room!  Not that there's a "wrong" side and a "right" side, but there is MY side, which is (when facing the teacher) to the left of the center raised platform from which she teaches.  I have inhabited that side of the room for many months, maybe years.  In fact, for most of that time I claimed the same mat-sized spot on that side of the room.  I am a creature of comfort and habit.

But on Tuesday when I arrived just before class was to start, not only was "my" spot taken, so was nearly the whole side of the room full.  Oh sure, I could have squeezed in and made a few people move a smidge to accommodate me, but as luck would have it, I'm also on a kick of challenging my usual patterns of behavior and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to go wild and try the other side of the room!  Oh, I tell ya, I live life on the edge sometimes!

It was a new perspective for sure, being in the back row on the opposite side of the room.  It was like using my left hand to brush my teeth; a little disorienting, challenging, and strangely thrilling to practice that which is familiar in a way that is not.

It reminded me of another time many months ago when I came to class not ready to try something new, but forced to by circumstance.  First, "my" spot was taken and I had to move back a row.  I was annoyed…didn't that new woman know she was taking the place I had occupied for weeks???  Then I realized the teacher I thought would be there was not, and a sub was taking the class that day.  The sub played unfamiliar music.  She didn't speak loudly enough (in my judgement) to be heard easily over the seemingly roaring sound of the cooling system fan.  Plus, I do believe every heavy truck in Snohomish was shifting gears in a steady caravan right outside the studio doors that morning.  I was grumpy, judgmental, distracted…angry even.  I left after class still grumbling to myself.

Does getting lost in expectations ever happen to you?  Some people are just naturally "go with the flow" types; I'm not generally one of them.  My quest for ease and familiarity, safety and comfort, often leave me grasping for an outcome I really have absolutely no control over.  One of my life's spiritual quests is to find peace and acceptance no matter where I go or what circumstances I might find in my travels through life.  Equanimity is my Holy Grail.  Yoga is my path for seeking it.  Every time I can practice being uncomfortable and challenged, on my own terms, is one step closer to feeling secure when discomfort comes without my bidding.  Judgment and anger are just reminders that grasping and clinging to the outcome of an expectation is futile.  Better to take a deep breath and get a new perspective.

Anyone want to join me on the other side of the room? ©

Namaste....donnajurene

Photo Source: Yoga Circle Studio

Thursday, October 9, 2014

RESISTANCE AND SURRENDER

Some days I believe Karen is absolutely psychic.  There is often a "theme" to her teaching and today's was "resistance and surrender" and moving from "no" to "yes".

I came later than usual to class today, a rare occurrence since I generally like to get there in time to settle into a short meditation prior to asana practice.  But this morning I got caught in an emotional moment at home.  My husband and I had meandered into a conversation that, as often happens, led to some serious soul-searching and introspection.  He is my sounding board, as I am his.  We tend to work through difficult individual personal struggles together, using the tools we've gained in our years of both participating in and facilitating personal growth work.  Our tool boxes are pretty full.  It's just that sometimes we forget which tool to pull out and put to the task at hand.  That's when it's nice to have a partner familiar with the selection.

So, I've been in a bit of a funk for quite a while.  It's not very apparent most of the time, but it is pervasive and unyielding behind my "sunny" exterior.  I trace it back to the years of caring for my mother as her familiar personality disappeared from me and she became someone new -- an elderwoman with dementia.  She lived with this terrible disease for five years before her death in 2008, a time a great grief, relief, and confusion for me. The following year and for two years after that I lived with a "mystery" illness that landed me in the ER twice and resulted in batteries of tests that were inconclusive.  I had fainting episodes of unknown origin which looked a lot like heart attacks on the surface, but my heart is healthy and strong.  Even so, I felt sick most of the time for about a year or so (and returns even now, occasionally).  It sort of freaked me out -- even though I lost 25 unwanted pounds! Yay!  Then a month ago I had that crazy car accident that really stunned my sense of myself as a safe and cautious driver and made me want to stay home.

During this morning's conversation we hit upon the thing that is the common thread holding all of these events, and my subsequent anxieties in reaction to them, together:  None could have been predicted; they came out of the blue in spite of all best intentions.  My mother had no risk factors for dementia -- in fact she did everything one is advised to do to prevent it.  My fainting episodes came from nowhere for no apparent reason.  My accident was swift and startling.   With no "reason" for any of it, how can it be prevented?  Fear takes over.  Something bad could happen again at any time...or something worse... or to someone I love or…or…or...

What does this have to do with Karen's ESP?   The a-ha moment that happened just before  I left my house to go to class occurred after my husband ushered me through a series of questions that led to the realization that living in a state of constant fear, anxiety, and caution in order to avoid experiencing the misery of a "bad" event is actually causing me to be miserable even when no such event has occurred!    Getting clear on this suddenly allowed me to see I had to tell my inner "risk manager" to move aside; I had to stop saying "no" to life out of fear.  I  need to embrace the real life that is before me in this moment -- not the one I fear could come if I'm not careful.  I had to surrender and stop resisting.

As I drove to class, I thought about all of this and the minute I hit the mat and heard Karen talking about the very thing I had spent the previous hour or so uncovering in my own life, I could barely contain the sense of "universal truth" that seemed meant just for me.

I guess this post isn't really about Yoga.  But it is about life.  And about finding the wisdom we need just when we need it, woven into a practice that can move us, both on the mat and off. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: https://www.free-clip-art.com/clipart/Clip-Art/Religious/indian_woman_praying_342704.html

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

X-RAY YOGA -- WHAT YOUR BONES ARE DOING!









Just ran across this video…sort of creepy-cool.  Ever wonder what your bones are doing under that layer of fat and muscle when you are moving through asana?  Here ya go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUCiwUz0xBnlCs4jf0zLM03w&v=wCu14zMZ_1Y

Love your body; it's amazing!

Namaste...donnajurene

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

YOGA AND THE ATHABASKAN GAMES

There's always a danger in asking, "Do ya miss me?"  You might be met with a bit of a blank stare, a slight head tilt, a furrowed brow and the unspoken question:  "Um, have you been gone?"  So, I won't ask…

But I am missing you, dear Yoga Circle Studio!  I had that darned car accident on September 2nd that put me out of commission physically, then I was away for a week of "working" vacation, then home again this week, but with no vehicle to get to the studio until my new car arrives (hopefully next week!)  I think I've only been in the studio a couple of times this whole month.  Sadness!

I just want to report in that I've been doing some stretches and simple, restorative yoga at home, but it's not the same.  It's not the same as driving the 20 minute route I love so much along the river to get there; not the same as seeing familiar cars in the lot, familiar faces in the studio; not the same as soaking in the beauty of the studio's lovingly created decor; not the same as rolling out my mat in one of my usual spots, gathering my props, and sitting for a few moments of silence before class starts; not the same as hearing the soft, soothing music over the speakers and being led through asana practice by any of the wise, funny, encouraging Yoga Circle teachers; not the same as the getting a gentle massaging touch during shavasana that feels so healing; not the same as gathering up my gear, rewarding myself with a handful of the fruit and nut mix on the countertop and heading back out on the road, for the drive home and back into the rest of my day.  I miss you so!

At home there are distractions and interruptions.  It's hard to find that "sacred space" feeling, both internally and externally, that seems so much a part of Yoga Circle.   I find myself feeling impatient and frustrated and isolated.  I want to get back to my go and do life!

Today as I sat in modified Hero's Pose, I wondered again why my knees hurt so in this pose.  I felt mad at my body!  Others seem to be able to sit back on their legs with no effort at all and find rest in this pose.  For me it is one pose I simply cannot do.  My body won't let me.  Then I started to ponder the ways in which bodies move, or don't; how to train for certain poses and how the benefits of making slow progress can eventually allow us to live better, more flexible and balanced lives -- not just in body, but in spirit.

My rumminations brought to mind that during the Denali National Park portion of our recent Alaska trip, we went on a nature hike with two young women who talked about the geology of the area as well as the cultural heritage of the Native peoples of Alaska.  The young Athabaskan woman spoke of something I'd never heard of:  Arctic Winter Games.  This is a specialized "Olympic"-style competition where athletes compete in traditional culture games which mimic or enhance the real-world skills needed to survive in harsh Northern climates.  She showed us photos of some of the competitors and also demonstrated one skill at which she excelled and had won medals - the "One-Handed Reach".

Right on the gravel path she dropped to her knees, tucked one arm snugly at the base of her ribcage, and lifted her entire body off the ground, balancing on one hand as she reached with the other as far in the air as she could - which in competition would be to reach a ball suspended on a string and her reach would be measured length.  She was amazingly strong (look at her!) and proud of her accomplishments.  She demonstrated a couple of other "games" as well and I was so intrigued that I came home and Googled to learn more.  Here is a video demonstration of several more games:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT8kY_YsOCA

Now, what does any of this have to do with yoga?  I believe that our asana practice has much in common with the games of a people far from India, but who have developed within their own culture a way to hone their physical skills in service to spirit and survival.  Both borrow from the natural world, imitating the postures of animals.  Both ask us to move in ways not immediately natural to our own way of life, but with applications to any way of life, and certainly to strength and vitality.

In this time of quiet for me, this time of staying home and staying in a calmer state of mind, I find I am learning that restorative yoga is just what I need right now to pause, reflect, and feel a connection to lands and customs on opposite sides of our globe, but with much to teach if only we slow down and listen. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Saturday, September 13, 2014

THE WALKING WOUNDED, HEALING

Some days the studio seems like a haven for the walking wounded.  This past Thursday was just such a day.

I hadn't been in to practice for 9 days, having been in a car accident the week prior.  When I got there I was feeling a bit fragile -- still a bit sore and a bit sad.  But I knew that I was ready to come back, taking it slow and easy and modifying many of the asanas to care for my healing body.    Karen noted aloud that I had been in an accident…then mentioned her own toe injury, another student had taken a fall, and on any given day there are hip and wrist issues, lower back pains, those recovering from surgery…

We all show up at one time or another with bodies that need tending, healing, strengthening, and limbering.  My guess is that some of us want to push ourselves back to health -- or some notion of health from bygone days.  It's often better, I think, to recognize a "new normal" for ourselves and be content with what "is" in the present while we find our "this is my body today" asana edge.  It serves no one to re-injure ourselves.  Plus, it's great practice in self-compassion and gratitude.

I found this on the mat on Thursday.  I had spent the previous nine days mourning the fact of the accident, bemoaning my disrupted life, and grieving losing my totaled car -- a little Prius that I loved.  I was moving through the class, following Karen's instruction slowly and intentionally, aware of my body in every moment.  Then she directed us to lie on our stomachs and "just relax…slump your body and let go of any tension or striving…"  I did and suddenly my mat was wet with tears.

Here I was at my beloved yoga studio, surrounded by familiar faces, all of us showing up to this practice on that particular day likely with our own list of aches, pains, and griefs.  I was overcome with gratitude for my bruised but functioning and recovering body, for the fact that no one in the accident was seriously injured, for the refuge I find in yoga that strengthens not just my body, but my spirit as well.

When we were then directed to raise our bodies to our hands and knees, the first thing my eyes landed upon was the bouquet of bright, brilliant, beautiful amazing gifts of nature in the center of the room -- Mike's prize-winning dahlias.  He nurtures these beauties in a year-round cycle of planting, growing, harvesting, and resting…and along the way they bring such joy to so many just by their presence, including being in a yoga studio, on a Thursday, in a place where grief and joy are the "edge" we find when we slow down and feel it all -- body and soul -- every single day. May each of us find such brilliance in our own imperfect lives, ever changing bodies, ever shining spirits. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

LEVITY WITH THE LEVEYS

I flirted with sitting meditation for many years.  I liked the idea of it.  I went to workshops occasionally, which were wonderful and motivating -- for about three days post-workshop.  Then I slipped into my old pattern of finding all manner of important things to do instead of meditating (dishes, laundry, TV…)

About three years ago I found myself in a state of anxiety that seemed relentless, due to a health scare I'd experienced.  I was desperate to find some relief from the "what-ifs" and "what's thats" that plagued me.  I turned to yoga to get in touch with my body and then took another stab at sitting meditation to try to calm my mind.  I had lots meditating friends and there was an ongoing meditation circle at my UU Fellowship.  I started attending there and also joined a group that met at a dear friend's home every week.  We were mostly novices, seekers, explorers of this path.  We mostly read about Buddhism and Insight Meditation and had a special affection for Pema Chodron, a prolific writer and Buddhist monk who has influenced and supported millions with her wise books, videos, and audio recordings.

Two from our group also told us of local resources for learning more about meditation.  They had gone to a summer week-long "camp" experience focused on meditation, facilitated by Joel & Michelle Levey.  They came home raving, transformed, kick-started in their practice.  They also said any who wanted could attend the Levey's Sangha (group of meditators) at their home in Seattle whenever they were in town and not traveling.  Just show up, drop a free-will donation in the basket, and take a seat.

So, that's what my husband and I did.  It took a bit of looking to find their home in the wintery rain and darkness of their Seattle neighborhood, but walking up the short path to their front door felt like a transition already.  We entered, relative beginners, and found a large group of folks already assembled in a living room that had been transformed into a meditation space, with cushions on the floor, pillowed window seats, folding chairs, and a futon.  Inspirational wall hangings and colorful representations of Eastern religious deities and artifacts hung on the walls.  The people all seemed to know each other and we felt a bit like outsiders from up in Snohomish County, but we weren't there to make friends.  We were there to deepen our practice with teachers of great renown.

At the appointed time, Joel and Michelle appeared and took their places facing the circle of people gathered.  I expected some great reverence, some bowing or something.  Mostly there were greetings of "Hi!  How are ya?" and much laughter.  Laughter!  I knew all would be well.

They spoke brief words of welcome and offered an introduction to the evening.  Then Joel guided us into a time of meditation where we sat silently together for about 40 minutes.   My mind was all over the place, as usual, for about the first 10 minutes, then I settled in, then I got uncomfortable and shifted my position, then my mind went wild with the usual "How much longer?" thoughts, then I settled in again, then more fidgeting, then more thinking, then more calm and peace….

After the meditation there was a time of sharing and questions.  Throughout the discussion  Joel and Michelle wove personal stories with ancient teachings with modern research into the benefits of meditation in a relaxed teaching style.  They were funny, encouraging, and down-to-earth, listening to and responding to each person, whether an experienced meditation practitioner or a beginner, with equal thoughtfulness.

We went back a few more times but found the commute to be more than we wanted to take on.  Our UU minister at the time was also a certified meditation teacher through Deepok Chopra's school and we decided to sit in meditation and study with him locally.  Still, my experience with the Leveys was an important step on the journey to finding a practice that is now a daily part of my life.  I read their books, receive their daily emails containing words of wisdom, and know that the work they are doing to bring this healing practice to others is work of the heart and soul.

I've been meditating regularly for over three years now, and I still fidget, still notice my "monkey mind" running amok while I breathe into relaxation.   But at some point most of those distractions fade away and when that happens, even for brief moments, noticing the space between the thoughts, the stillness of the body,  I feel I've touched the possibilities of deep peace that meditation brings to those who sit, silently, and breathe. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Here's a video of Joel and Michelle Levey from the Yoga Circle archives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rynqc0GYfEs


Thursday, August 28, 2014

THUMBTOEARASANA (REDUX)

So, in class today I looked down to discover my feet were embedded with garden dirt.  I had worn my flip flops out to stomp around in the damp earth before class and didn't think to wash my feet before leaving the house.  Embarrassed!

Then it reminded me of this post, also an embarrassing moment in class.  I wrote this last year for my other blog, My View From Here, and Karen posted it at that time it on her website I think, or Facebook page, but if you didn't see it I thought I'd post it here again -- just to make you all feel better.

Some days I feel like the class clown!

Namaste...donnajurene
Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

*********************

I recently got a nice little "Thank You" email from the Yoga studio where I practice, congratulating me on my anniversary with them.  I'm not sure which anniversary this is, but I'm guessing I've been going there fairly regularly for about 3 years.  Time is weird though; it could be 4...or 5?

Anyway, Yoga has become a regular part of my life.  I love it.  At least the Yoga I do at that studio with my favorite teachers.  It is a nice combination of ease and challenge, which is as it should be.  We move from one posture (asana) to the next in an easy transition that is slow and well-defined.  We hold some poses longer than others.  Sometimes we do a Kudalini-style where we more more quickly.  Sometimes there is a "flow", as in doing Sun Salutations, which takes one from standing to stomach and back to standing through various flowing movements. 

Yoga for me is a meditation.  I don't think too much about the "exercise" aspect of it, which I think is a very unfortunate Western definition of the practice.  It is not meant to be a "butt-blaster" routine... although who doesn't want that pert little "yoga butt"???


I say a silent mantra before stepping on my mat, making a commitment to mindfulness for the next hour and fifteen minutes.  I pay attention to my breathing, my thoughts, my body.  I try not to compete with the other students.  I try to find my "edge" -- that sweet spot where optimum effort is expended, but there is no undue stress or strain and certainly no pain.  I try to be aware of alignment. 

Sometimes I watch a brand new student and recall my first tries at Yoga.  I HATED IT!  I was in terrible shape and had no muscle strength and poor balance.  I was overweight and hated my body.  Yoga, I thought, was for the skinny, "jock" girls with no boobs and unnaturally flexible joints.  In fact, they probably had some congenital defect which allowed them to move into those pretzel-y shapes that no normal human could possibly attain.  Any pose that required me to put any weight at all on my arms or wrists ended in collapse.  And shame.  And anger.

And then, at a retreat with my long-time women's group, one of my 'sisters' led us in an early morning Yoga routine that was actually do-able!  She was funny and encouraging, plus I already loved and trusted her,  and was surrounded by other women who knew my deepest vulnerabilities already, so what did I have to lose?  And giving up all that Ego allowed me to just be with what was.  What was, was fun!  And I wanted more.

So that's when I joined the aforementioned Yoga studio.  Now, occasionally, I feel really competent.  Whoa!  Look at me!  I know how to do this and I do it well!  Oh, yeah, easy breezy!  Downward dog, cobra, eagle, pigeon -- I OWN those poses!  (Sort of...)


So, the other day I was doing some sort of twist (my favorite!) and reaching one arm overhead or ... I don't know... something...and realized when I went to move out of the pose that my thumb ring had become entwined with my fancy loopy earring and I was attached, thumb to earlobe, and could not untangle myself!

I had a moment of panic as I tried hard to disengage ring and earring, surreptitiously of course, and finally had to yank on my earring (bending it in the process) while simultaneously trying to remove my  ring, which seemed to be stuck on my fat thumb and would not budge, but by then I was ready to rip my thumb off if need be....

Finally it all just fell away; the earring lay in a bent mess on the floor, along with my thumb ring, still entwined.  And I moved on to sphinx pose, glancing around to see if anyone had witnessed my plight.  It didn't seem so...and then, suddenly, I just started giggling.


Thank you, Ego, for the smack down, this time appropriately.  Yoga is a practice of acceptance and I accept that sometimes I'm a Yoga-dork, even when I think I'm "all that". 

At least, that's the view from here... ©

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

DITCHING CLASS

I committed a transgression this week.  I blew off Yoga class to go thrift store shopping.  I fully intended to go to Yoga; really, I did!  I met a friend for an early breakfast, as we do just about every week.  Typically, we talk and laugh for about an hour and a half, then she heads to her office and I to Yoga practice.  But something took hold of me on Tuesday on the corner of Wall and Rucker and instead of turning right toward Snohomish, I turned left toward south Everett.

I had been looking the day before for a cheap little table.  I have the beginnings of a Meditation Garden tucked into the corner of my yard under a huge old fir tree.  I already have a Buddha statue there, just waiting for a couple of chairs and a little table for a pot of flowers or my tea cup.  I was gripped by the sudden urgent need to find that table now!

Plus, I was hyped up on maybe too much caffeine (two cups instead of my usual one) and I'd forgotten my Yoga mat at home, so I'd have to use a studio mat.  And it was only Tuesday…I had all the rest of the week to go to Yoga…. yadda, yadda, yadda.

Isn't it funny how the mind will pull out all the stops sometimes to pull us off course?  I'm still struggling a little with the guilt of giving in to the temptation to shop rather than practice.  I can hear Karen's occasional "missed class" admonishments about forgiving illness or travel…but not sloth.  Oh dear.

Well, the good news is I found the perfect little table at Value Village and I put a coat of chalk paint on it and it looks fab!  I also found a couple of comfy, rather straight-backed, perfect-for- meditation-lawn chairs on sale at Fred Meyer.  Yay!

I spent much of the rest of the afternoon stooped into a Forward Bend, occasionally a Downward Facing Dog, very often a Drafting Table, with much contemplation in Prayer Squat as I pulled weeds amongst the perennials.  In the evening I joined my Red Dragon maple in Tree Pose, in a pranayama practice of perfectly synchronized O2 and CO2 exchange; at one with nature.

So, I'm reminded again that guilt is a useless time-waster and is only the pastime of a judging mind thrashing about for something to criticize.  Hey, Mind!  Guess what?  Yoga is everywhere, all the time, even in the beauty of a battered table made new, the creation of a place of refuge, bowing to the bees and butterflies along a flowering garden path.

The practice doesn't begin or end at the studio door.  But  the studio does enliven and motivate and teach us how to mindfully take the practice out into the world.  For that I'm grateful.  For that I come back to practice, over and over and over. ©

Namaste....donnajurene

Friday, August 22, 2014

A GREAT YOGI PASSES



For many in the West, Yoga is merely a form of exercise, another way to get in shape.  Yet the practice of Yoga has many facets (those 8 Limbs) and is an ancient spiritual practice that goes far beyond a work-out.

The Yogi credited with bringing this practice to the West, in the 1950's, was BKS Iyengar.  He died this week at the age of 96.  He credits Yoga for his longevity, but finally his bodily form succumbed to kidney failure.

His style of Yoga has always been somewhat intimidating to me…I've seen videos of teachers of Iyengar Yoga perfecting student alignment with what appeared to be strict adherence to form accompanied by all manner of props and pulleys.  

Yet, his use of props to help with alignment is what has allowed many of us to practice at all.  How many would have given up without the support of a strap or a block or a blanket at times?  And I do agree with the philosophy of "getting it right"…or as close to right as possible.  I try to align my body in asana to the best of my current abilities and have seen progress over the years as I get stronger and more flexible, so that the "best of my ability" is expanding in definition.

I thought of this in class yesterday when our practice included 27 breaths of holding Boat Pose and Plank Pose (OK..no one quite got that far), of twists in Pigeon Pose that I could only hint at as my body stopped turning and my arm and leg were miles apart instead of happily entwined.  BKS Iyengar taught to keep a quiet mind as we practice….but my mind was chatting away, I tell ya, and not saying nice things to me.  

Then…again…I took a deep breath and, to honor his teachings, I became quiet in my mind, focusing on the beautiful cello music playing, holding and reaching to the best of my own ability, grateful and aware that whatever I was able to do were lightyears beyond what I was doing 10 years ago when eating bowls full of ice cream while watching TV was my main spiritual practice.

Born poor, Bellur Krishnamachar Sundararaja was not expected to live past 20 as he suffered through a childhood of illness: malaria, typhoid, tuberculosis, and influenza.  Yet, he went on to become renowned the world over and to live nearly 100 years.  This week he is mourned by those who studied with him and were influenced by him.

Perhaps this advice is among his best:  "Live happily and die majestically."  May it be so for us all. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene
Photo Credit: Bill O'Leary/The Washington Post


Thursday, August 14, 2014

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

"There's no place like home…."  Dorothy (of the Wizard of Oz) and I agree.   I've just returned from a trip to Alaska -- my first visit there and my first cruise, as well.   There was a lot I liked about the adventure, if you can call a luxury cruise liner an "adventure".  Yet, after about the third day out, I felt the pull of home.  And we still had to finish the cruise and do the Denali tour portion of the 11-day trip before I could head back to Washington.

So, I did what I do whenever I start to feel antsy or anxious -- when the pull of home got too strong, I got quiet, closed my eyes for a few moments, practiced breathing slowly and steadily and got very present in the moment -- not looking back, not looking forward, just being in that sweet silent space of "now".  Then I whined a little bit to my husband about how much I hate traveling.  Oh well….nice try.

Actually the trip was quite nice; we had perfect weather and saw some beautiful scenery.  We were traveling with friends and there was much laughter and have many stories we will share as we reminisce over the years to come.  And I'm still happy to be home, even if I seem to be a bit disoriented during my re-entry.

This morning I was back at the studio for the first time in two weeks.  I hopped out of my car and made a beeline for the door, only realizing when I was stashing my shoes that I'd left my mat in the backseat.  Hmmm…   Once class started I also realized that good intentions on the cruise didn't translate into actually going to any of the 7:00 a.m. Yoga classes they offered.  I felt stiff and out of practice.  "Take it slow", I told myself.  And I did.  Karen talked a lot today about riding the wave of the breath, riding the wave of the asanas.  My waves today were small and gentle, lapping at the shore as I carefully made my way back into the flow.

I thought a lot about "home" too and what home represents to me.  It's a place of safety, sanctuary, warmth, and comfort.  Just like our resting poses.  I wondered if others have a pose that is "home" to them.  Is there a pose where you feel like you could stay there forever?  Like you've come "home" to that place of refuge from the edge, from stimulation and challenge?  I know mine…it's Balasana -- Child's Pose.  My knees bent beneath me, supporting my body, arms stretched over my bowed head, my face against the familiar soft "ground" of my brown mat (the color chosen as that of the earth, to ground me in my practice).  I love relaxing into that "home" pose, safe and content.

It was great to be back in class today, seeing familiar faces, moving through familiar asanas -- even if I need to modify and go more slowly for awhile.   We stretch, we move, we flow out and flow back again, exploring and experiencing…but always coming back home. ©

Namaste....donnajurene




Saturday, July 26, 2014

NON-PERFECTING BALANCE

I guess it's cheating a little to include author Elizabeth Gilbert's essay here about the myth of finding balance in life, since I'M the one who is supposed to be coming up with brilliant insights for this blog, but I realize I can't say it any better than she already has.  http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/balance-reconsidered-good-morning-loves-so-the-other-night-someone-a/

What her essay did prompt me to think about was how hard I can be on myself for not always getting the balancing poses right in yoga class.  I find them to be challenging most of the time, yet I see the parallels to life each time I fall out of a balance.  Most of the time I'm distracted or trying too hard or sore and tired…all the ways in which LIFE also manifests in times of frustration and self-doubt.  And almost every time I berate myself for my "failure".

Balance is that thing we seem to crave in these busy, hectic, abundant times and if I can't even stay in tree pose, how am I supposed to find peace in the rush and crush of craziness we call modern life?

Here's a challenge…what if I stop trying?  What if I decide to keep my toe on the floor once in awhile  -- on purpose! -- and do an easy tree pose, just breathing into the feeling of steady and solid, maybe closing my eyes and letting the peace of the pose wash over me?

Maybe some days, finding my "edge" is just finding a place of "this feels so good" and being content with that, at least for a time. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

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Monday, July 14, 2014

OOPS. DID I DO THAT?

And now, Delicate Flowers, it's time to address the unmentionable….the sounds, the sweats, the sights, and scenes we create in Yoga class.

Read this: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/lacey-haynes/yoga-fart_b_3633367.html

Have you ever felt the full effect of Pavanamuktasana (wind relieving pose)?  C'mon, raise your hand!  We'll wait….

Oh, it's what we all dread, right?  "Please, please, please don't let it be me!"  I know a couple of women who have become so mortified by the little "toot" they emitted in class that they never went back!  Such a shame to be so ashamed of a normal bodily function.  But I do get it….

It happened to me -- once -- and not at Yoga Circle, so if you think you were there, you weren't!  It's always sort of a surprise, right?  I was between two men (drats!) and of course the room seemed to be dead quiet, but likely the instructor was prattling away, I don't recall exactly.  And likely it wasn't the sonic boom-sound I thought it was, but still….I knew and I quickly looked around to see if anyone's head had jerked in my direction.  Nope.  So discreet.  I was a bit embarrassed, but then thought, "Oh well…we'll all live,"  and just went on with the class.   (This is the sort of shrug-off one does when one reaches a "certain age" -- not much seems so overly dire as it used to.)

Same with my tears.  I cry fairly often in Yoga class.  Not like my friend who has literally sobbed with grief and gratitude; true snot-running sobs.  (So sweet and cathartic.)  But I have cried with tears running down my cheeks -- sometimes from frustration over the harsh judgements I lay on myself, sometimes with gratitude for my strength and power, sometimes when tender thoughts come unbidden in the quiet, deep moments of shavasana.  Tears heal.  It's OK.

And falling out of poses and all the rest?  Yep.  I can't speak for the errant boy parts mentioned in the article.  I've never witnessed that, but I have already written in a previous blog post about a peek-a-boo girl part. These things just happen sometimes.

I think walking into Yoga class means shedding Ego and coming to the mat as the juicy, tender, sweet, vulnerable, messy, surprising beings that we are. Don't let that scare you. We're only human. ©

Namaste….donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_antonioguillem'>antonioguillem / 123RF Stock Photo</a>




Sunday, July 13, 2014

GOOD YOGA DOESN'T HURT

Yoga shouldn't hurt.  That's what I tell people who tell me that it comes with the certainty of injury.  I'm not an athlete and was in pretty sad shape when I started practicing and I've never been hurt by my practice.  I credit the great instructors at Yoga Circle for being attentive to student needs, to always offering modification examples, to providing props and tips and constant reminders not to push too hard into a pose.  Have I been sore the next day at times?  Yep.  Good sore.  The sore that says muscles have been worked and are getting stronger.  I've learned I need to watch those backbends -- modify! modify! modify!  -- and that's fine; I'm not posing for the cover of Yoga Journal!

So last week, when I was at a dance retreat, I went to an early morning yoga class.  I had planned ahead and had my mat with me, but that was all.  No props.  There were 6-8 of us in the class.  The instructor was a young woman, with a terrific yoga body.  She started us right out with sun salutations.  Surprisingly, she didn't ask if there were any special issues or needs the students might have.  She didn't warn that the hardwood floor would not be a welcoming landing space for those who had no mats.  She had no blankets or props, offered no modifications.   We just powered through.  I did pretty well, knowing the poses, although the flow was a bit fast for me.  I used my jacket as a pad under my knees when I needed extra cushion.  I didn't do the poses that I didn't want to do; I modified or rested in child's pose.  I went at my own pace.  I have practiced long enough to know my body and to take action on my own behalf.

A couple of students, guys in particular, were more challenged.  I could tell they were not familiar with the poses and were struggling to keep up.  Also, I assumed there was a competitive/competency thing going on that caused them to really push into poses in ways that looked uncomfortable, if not downright painful.

And that's the danger -- to be unfamiliar with the asanas, with an inattentive instructor, and before you know it, you've hurt yourself.   There is a desire to be good at this; to keep up; to look good; to excel, even if none of those things are the goals of yoga to begin with!  And that's my pet peeve --- that we forget the definition of Yoga:

Yoga : a Hindu philosophy that teaches a person to experience inner peace by controlling the body and mind

It is not meant to be merely an exercise routine, a weight loss trick, or an aerobic work-out.  The goal of Yoga is to discipline the mind and body, to find the breath of life, to prepare for meditation, to focus and fine tune our minds through bodily postures that both challenge and nurture (at that much sought for "edge") in order to find true peace.  Strength and flexibility are happy physical side-effects of the practice, not the sole purpose of the practice.

I am sad when I see the teeth-gritting push into a pose.  I am grateful when we are reminded to smile, to laugh, to enjoy!   That's not to say I never find challenge in my practice; I do -- every time -- and not every minute is one of bliss.   Yet, there is satisfaction in challenge and my challenge is a gentle one, looking for the edge and backing off again, resting and moving into another opportunity to focus my mind on what my body is learning to do, another opportunity to breathe into the pose.

I sort of wanted to pummel that teacher at the retreat.  But I decided to practice gratitude instead…mostly gratitude that I'd be coming back to my "home"at Yoga Circle in a few days; back to a place where safety and skill reside side-by-side; a place where laughter is more highly valued than the perfect pose -- and is probably better for the spirit. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

PEEK-A-BOO

So today I am thinking about appropriate Yoga attire.  I just got my most recent issue of Yoga Journal and those slim, muscular, "yoga butt" 20-something models are so inspiring.  They all look fabulous in their print spandex yoga pants (black is so last season!) and little halter tops.

I know my meditation practice is suppose to help me dissolve my Ego, but when I dress for Yoga class, Ego seems to be looking back at me from the mirror in spite of my best meditative mantras.  I generally choose among two or three pairs of comfortable pants.  Two out of the three are, admittedly, black (Call the Fashion Police!) and one is gray; no colorful prints.  A halter top would scare the other students, so I usually choose a Yoga Circle T-shirt or, on days when I feel a bit more coverage over the "abs" is called for, I don one of my baggy T's.

My favorite T-shirts are V-necked or boat necked and the one I wore today (baggy and comfy) has maybe a slightly lower V-cut than is a good idea for Cat-Cow pose.  As I looked down I could see, at least from my vantage point, a fair amount of cleavage showing.  I took a quick glance across the room to see if anyone else seemed to notice and all were discreetly concentrating on perfecting their asana alignment.   Still….

It reminded me of a Yoga On The Beach class my husband and I took at a vacation resort in Hawaii.  Our instructor was right out of Yoga Journal, which wasn't intimidating at all.    Everything was going along fine, until about two-thirds of the way through class I noticed that her scoop-necked spandex top was scooping way too far south and in danger of the big reveal.  I glanced at my husband, who glanced at me, and we both turned to give our instructor our full attention.   I was holding my breath in sympathetic embarrassment; perhaps my husband was holding his breath too, but likely for a different reason.

Before long, sure enough, 'pop'!  One side of her top slipped below the Mason Dixon and her bosom went full Rebel on her.  But, professional that she was, she never skipped a beat, not even acknowledging the errant body part.  She simply reached up from her Upward Facing Dog pose, pulled her top back in place, and just kept talking.  I was quite impressed with her poise.  My husband seemed to take a renewed interest in going to Yoga classes that week.

Well, anyway, I'm glad nothing like that happened to me today.  I just kept yanking my shirt up and wishing I had a safety pin.  I'll continue to dress for comfort; style be damned. ©

Namaste…donnajurene

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Friday, June 13, 2014

IN THE BEGINNING...

                                                                                    Dear Yoga Circle Studio,
I love you.  I have loved you since before I even met you.  I have loved you since the days when  all my friends, when I asked about local yoga studios where I wouldn't feel like a doofus as a beginner, said, "You should go to Yoga Circle in Snohomish."

So, one afternoon about 7 years ago,  I did just that.  I spread out my cushy new mat in the very back corner, hugging the wall by the restroom, and set about learning this thing called yoga.

I had tried before, on various and sporadic occasions at retreats where yoga was offered as an "add on", but it wasn't the main event.  Mostly I hated it.  Well, OK, I hated myself.  I was overweight, weak, out of shape, and uncoordinated.  The simplest poses were too hard.  I told myself, and anyone who asked, "I don't do yoga.  I don't get it; it's dumb."  Then I headed off to the gym for a "real" workout (also sporadic.)

But when I heard the "do what feels right" message at Yoga Circle, it kept me coming back.   Still, my natural tendency to berate myself reared its ugly head, especially in the early months of practicing.  I had a terrible time learning the poses -- always gawking at the teacher and the other students, trying to figure out where this foot and that arm and the other leg were supposed to be.  I tried not to hunch my shoulders or grit my teeth.  I was stiff and heavy and out of breath.  My arms and wrists were limp and sore.

Sometimes, when we assumed Child's Pose I was so relieved, I cried.  I cried over the body I hated; I cried because I "couldn't do it", and also cried with relief at the little peek I saw into the possibility that this practice might be a way to connect below the neck, to become whole in body, mind, and spirit. 

Now when I see a novice come in to the studio --  heading to the back of the room, maybe feeling confused -- I wonder what they are thinking and if they are as unsure as I was at the beginning.  It is an act of courage to "take action on our own behalf", as Karen reminds us in class so frequently.  This wisdom is my daily mantra in so many instances now and I hope those new students will keep coming.   Taking action on our own behalf is worth it.  Really.

Now I consider myself a practitioner of Yoga.  And "practicing" is the perfect word for an imperfect student.  Some days I feel strong and agile.  Others I feel as weak, stiff, and uncoordinated as the day I first walked through the door.  I have come regularly and, at times, not so much.  (Getting out the door is the hardest part of the practice some days!)  I'm not super young, exceedingly slim, nor ultra fit.  I've never been an athlete, and yoga really is about the extent of my physical pursuits.  I'm like a lot of people -- just trying to stay in some semblance of decent shape as I grow older, while trying to find practices that feed my soul.  Yoga is it for me.  Marathon running is not.

Karen Guzak, teacher and studio owner at YCS has read my yoga-related posts from another blog I write www.myviewfromhere-donna.blogspot.com and has linked them to her website occasionally.  Recently she asked if I'd write a separate blog about the studio and my practice.  

Full Disclosure: This is that blog.  Our agreement is that I will be honest and I will tell the truth about my experiences with yoga and with the studio.  There might be topics and opinions about which she and I disagree, but I still get to write about them.  Our hope is that readers will find some experiences in common with me and will be reassured, motivated, and enthused about their own practices.   

Plus, if you can't laugh at yourself, you can at least laugh at me -- you will find that any balancing pose  I attempt is especially humorous to behold!  Maybe there will be pictures…  

Namaste…donnajurene

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