Next my intention was to begin as a "text bank" volunteer, continuing to reach out to voters via text. But after taking the training twice, I realized I was nearing burn-out and realized also that I just didn't want to do it. I would have to learn new software skills, be responsible for numerous shifts, interact with voters over time, fill out response surveys for the campaign -- basically it was more than I wanted to do. So I decided to let it go. I felt horrible -- like I'd let myself down and was out of integrity with my commitment to myself to do this outreach.
This morning a friend sent me an article from the Buddhist magazine, The Tricycle, (Winter 2013) which discussed making skillful effort: the tension between effort and ease in the way we approach life's tasks, be they chore-like or joyous. Either way we can get off-kilter and find ourselves either behaving compulsively or slothfully and not finding the middle ground, the place of self-compassion, the sweet spot of doing enough but not too much.
That got me to thinking about how we approach our yoga practice. Karen often advises that we find the tension between effort and ease in the pose. This is the best advice ever and I channel her voice telling me that even when I'm not in her class. I forget it, though, when I'm doing other things -- like political activism. I feel like I can never do enough...it's all effort and no ease. My brain tells me that to ease up is to be lazy and selfish and ultimately, to lose. Maybe for some, it can be all ease and no effort --they trouble themselves with thinking they should do something, but never do.
How often do we come to class, or to meditation, or to anything we do, with the determination to do it "best"? To disallow any slacking off, to push and push and push. Or do we find we always intend to come to class, but somehow it never happens, or we show up, but half-heartedly. Do we beat ourselves up for being lazy? Does this show self-compassion? Hardly! We would certainly counsel a friend in the grips of a quest for perfection, or lost in self-flagellation, to stop, to think it through, to find the inner knowing that informs our actions. But do we do that for ourselves?
The article reminded me that Effort and Ease are our guides on Skillful Path; that making skillful effort, not too much, not too little, is the way of compassion, the way of the heart.
Next time you show up to the mat, determined to perfect your pose, stop. Take a breath. Be easy on yourself. Grab a prop, or sit out that Pigeon Pose out if you want. Next time you sit for meditation, determined to clear your mind of uninvited thoughts, stop. Take a breath. Notice what thoughts come and then let them go, over and over. Just sit and breathe through it. Next time you make an intention but fail to follow through and start with the negative self-talk, stop. Take a moment to look inward to discern why you are holding yourself back. Next time you take on a task that is growing into more than you bargained for and feels overwhelming, stop. Decide how to proceed slowly, or not proceed at all.
This is yoga too....knowing your own limits, listening to your own inner wisdom, finding your own path, honoring your own tender heart.
Namaste, donnajurene
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