YOGA NIDRA -- WAKEFUL SLEEP RENEWAL

Today was Yoga Nidra day at Elizabeth's Zoom class. I forgot again. I think it's a trick my brain plays on me. My first few experiences with Yoga Nidra were not positive, so I decided (consciously) that I don't like it; it's not for me.  Since that time I've actually had some very pleasant experiences, but that early declaration is stuck in my head, so when I know it's coming up (4th Wednesday of the month), I tend to avoid that class.  Except....

A few times, including recently when we are meeting online, I forget. I show up and Elizabeth announces it's Yoga Nidra day and I am surprised, even though I can read a calendar as well as anyone.  I think my UNconscious mind is looking out for me.  That mind knows I'll benefit even if I don't know it!

Yoga Nidra is a practice often called "Yoga Sleep Meditation".  Elizabeth starts with a 45 minute gentle asana practice to stretch and strengthen the large muscles of our bodies to prepare us for a 30+ minute lying or sitting meditation.  During that meditation, after we gather extra props to ensure maximum comfort and relaxation, she guides us through the 5 koshas (you don't have to know what this is to benefit!) beginning with a detailed body scan, then suggesting images of disparate objects to bring to mind...and then other stuff, because frankly I'm so deeply in a state of relaxation by then that I hear her voice and follow along, but afterwards I'm not entirely sure where she took me.  I just know how quiet, calm, and at peace I feel in that state.   

I am NOT asleep in the traditional sense -- this is a wakeful sleep.  That makes no sense, right?  It will.  Eventually.  Like I said, it didn't work for me at first.  Lying on my mat I was physically uncomfortable, distracted, agitated.  Then Elizabeth suggested sitting on a chair.  That was better for me.  But what has been BEST is to do this practice at home, via Elizabeth's Zoom class, sitting in an upholstered chair in my bedroom, feet on a bolster, blanket over my lap, eye shade covering my eyes.  I feel myself sink into the moment almost immediately.  

This morning I started on Day 3 of grieving all the losses of this Covid Summer -- concerts, ballgames, fairs and festivals, trips, friends, grandkid sleepovers...just the ease of the pre-Covid life where distancing and masks and hand sanitizer were unheard of.  As summer nears its end, I am already anticipating even more restrictions as the cold and rain drives us indoors again.  So, my emotions have been volatile and there have been lots of tears.  I want to hug my grandkids!!!

So, I switched on my computer for class rather reluctantly.  I wanted to just skip it and wallow in sorrow some more.  But my husband urged me to show up for the class, reminding me that Yoga always helps.  He's right of course, and when the first words I heard were: "Good Morning! It's Yoga Nidra Day." I didn't feel a sinking sensation of reluctant acceptance.  I felt relieved.  I felt nurtured.  I knew it was exactly what I needed.

I write this now, 2 hours post-class time, still floating on the cloud of renewal.  I know there are sorrows, but they do not consume me.  The sun is shining.  There is a cool breeze blowing across the back deck where I write.  I'm looking forward to a long walk with my husband at the waterfront later this afternoon and a simple summer supper on the deck tonight. I feel gratitude.

Sorrows come and go.  We watch them.  Happiness comes and goes.  We watch it.  Life happens to us and around us.  We watch it.  The Watcher, the Seat of our Soul, remains constant.  And when we forget what's best for us, we are reminded.  Over and over and over again.  

Namaste,  donnajurene

(Link to an article about Yoga Nidra and the 5 Koshas: https://yogainternational.com/article/view/yoga-nidra-and-the-five-koshas

Photo Credit: www.pixabay.com

PANDEMIC SUMMER

I took a July vacation from blogging -- here and also on my other two blogs.  But this being the last day of July 2020, I just couldn't completely let it go...so here is "hodge-podge" post of random thoughts.

I'm tired of the Covid-19 pandemic.  I'd like it to be gone now.  Oops---that is grasping for an outcome over which I have almost no control. (The only control I have is over my own behavior: stay home most of the time; wear a mask all of the time; create physical distance between me and others; wash my hands!)

The only real thing I can do about this historic event is to Be. Here. Now.  

So, yes, we are still in the midst of this pandemic and it's not getting better.  In fact new cases and more deaths are on the rise.  I won't delve into the political decisions and culture wars that may be contributing to this situation, because wishing for all of that to be different is also grasping at something that is not our current reality.  (Not to say we can't make our voices heard on the matter!)  So, let's just say, I understand the realities.  I am mostly accepting what is.  I am aware of feeling sad, mad, and afraid, along with content and grateful.  I breathe through those cycling emotions multiple times a day.

How is Yoga sustaining me?  Well, our pranayama practice helps.  That calming breath that is always available to us.  Inhale, hold.  Exhale, hold.  Exhale breath longer than inhale breath to calm the sympathetic nervous system and access the parasympathetic nervous system.  We don't need to fight or take flight.  We just need to "be".  Quiet.  Calm.  Patient.  It's hard sometimes. And with dedication to the practice, it works.

My asana practice is also calming.  Seeing the faces of familiar teachers and other students at the "online studio" is a balm to an aching desire (grasping again!) to be back to normal, gathering together at Yoga Circle.  I practice gratitude for the technology available to us to meet and practice in this way.  I love the feel of each pose, the familiar flow from one pose to the next, feeling my muscles strengthen, stretch, and relax.  The final Savasana, or Yoga Nidra practice, brings me to a deeper sense of peace in the moment.

My Sutra Sister group helps too.  Having met and spent 6 months together at our 200 hr Yoga Teacher Training last year (our one year graduation anniversary was yesterday) a small group of us decided to continue to meet and support each other in our yoga adventures as new teachers.  Some of us teach classes; some do not; some teach in other ways; all of us have grown closer both in person at first and now on a regular Zoom meet up, continuing to support each other in Yoga and all things "life", including how to navigate this challenging time.  Friendships need to be nurtured with special care during this time of physical distancing and staying home -- we are doing that.

My husband had total shoulder replacement surgery earlier this month, so we are walking the healing path together.  We've begun to see our extended family on occasion, trying to take advantage of these summer months when outdoor activities (still masked, physically distanced, and hand sanitizer at the ready) are safer than sharing indoor air.  I want to hug my grandkids with a palpable longing -- but we have a little ritual of wrapping our arms around ourselves and saying we are hugging each other with our hearts.

I have grown curious about how others are dealing with this strange and terrible worldwide event.  Why do some handle it with nary a care while others are perpetually frightened?  How do some maintain a sunny outlook while others are angry and resentful?  How have some deepened relationships with friends and family while others have pulled away or feel isolated and alone? 

I'm on a quest....stay tuned for more on this next month when I delve into my current twin passions:  Yoga and the Enneagram!

Namaste,  donnajurene

YOGA WHERE YOU FIND IT

Well!  Here we are on June 30.  I thought if I waited all through the month of June, I'd be able to announce the End of Covid!  HaHa  Just kidding.  But I did anticipate that the numbers of new cases would be much better -- not getting worse.  (PLEASE wear a mask!  PLEASE keep your distance!  PLEASE stay home most of the time.  PLEASE wash those hands and don't touch your face and say some prayer or incantation to the health gods to take this scourge away!)

Hmmmm....so given that we are still in this, how are you doing?    I have my ups and downs.  But one sustaining constant is my yoga and meditation practice....it just looks a little different.

I know there are a jillion online yoga options.  I know of a group of friends who are doing "backyard yoga" together while keeping their distance.  I know many of us have found our way back to Yoga Circle, either with the library of videos or the live stream classes.  It feels good to hear our teachers and see the studio. 

I also try to throw in a pose here and there during the day just randomly.  I am in Tree Pose while I wait for my tea water to boil; I stand in Mountain Pose and reach high arms overhead, on tiptoes, when trimming branches on our Japanese maple;  I kneel in Hero's pose while weeding until my knees scream at me, then I switch to a squat, or just plop down on my bottom and twist and reach.  One day my back called out for Child's Pose right in the middle of a planting session.  Boom!  Down I went, nose to grass, recalling how many childhood hours I spent crawling around my yard, playing in the dirt, making daisy chains, watching ants busy at their anthills. 

My meditation practice is centered around the app, The Daily Calm, that I have downloaded on my phone.  Every day there is a pre-chosen 10 minute meditation that I do right away.  It's a wonderful centered practice to start the day.  Other times I can run through the extensive menu and choose just what I need -- meditation for anxiety, meditation for peace and calm, meditation to help me sleep, and on and on. 

I have had so many good intentions to use this enforced down time to be productive and tackle projects long on the back burner.  I've done some, but not with gusto and not with unlimited attention and energy.  This time has also been one of just quiet.  Just "vegging".  Just contemplation.

I think we are living through a national trauma, a time of intense transition, that takes an emotional, psychological, and even physical toll.  But we have a secret weapon at our disposal: Yoga.  Remember....the entire purpose of yoga is to calm the fluctuations of the mind.  If you are like me, there are some days when all there is is fluctuation!  We all need our yoga practice to come back to center, to the seat of the True Self. 

We are in this together.  We can do hard things.  Lean in to kindness -- toward others and to yourself.  One day we will look back and remember this time.  One day it will be over.  Just not yet.

Namaste,  donnajurene
Photo Credit: www. pixabay.com

ONLINE YOGA CHALLENGES: DOES MY BUTT LOOK TOO BIG?

As I have said in previous posts, I am very grateful for my beloved Yoga Circle Studio going "Live" with online classes.  As this Covid-19 lockdown goes on, we are indeed creating a "new normal" for ourselves and that includes getting back some of what we lost when life as we knew it abruptly shut down.

That said, it has not all been smooth sailing.  The studio spent some time beta testing the software that makes online live feed available to us.  There was (for me anyway) a complicated sign in process and once signed in we encountered some audio challenges.  We all persevered and with continuous feedback and tweaking, it now seems to work well.

On MY end, however, I'm still working out the kinks.  I still have a hard time logging in and inevitably end up in a "redirect" loop that takes me back to where I started until by some quirk of magic I click on a right link and Voila! I'm in.  I wish just once I'd figure out how I did it so I could duplicate the process every time.  I'm sure this is no fault of the process, but rather my brain.  I run into these glitches on other sites as well.  I'm not super terrible at navigating Computer Land, but hey, I still remember black & white TV and recall my mom listening to soap operas on the kitchen radio.  Tech is not my native language.

Once connected to class it's great to see the studio, and our terrific teachers,  and familiar faces of yogi friends.  As students sign in we mostly we can see each other in little boxes across the bottom of the screen rather like on Zoom.  But for me to see well, I have to get really close and when I glimpse my gigantic head peering into the camera I scare even myself.  Not a good look!

Class often starts with us sitting and letting the instructor know what we'd like to work on so my computer screen is placed appropriately to make my head appear in the middle of the screen for that. But the moment we are asked to lie down I, of course, disappear.  So I try to adjust my screen to capture at least some of my body, but who knows?  Because the little box where I appear is hard for me to see without my glasses, which by this time I've ditched.

I go ahead with the class wondering at various points how big my butt must look to the teacher seeing me on her computer as I roll around in Happy Baby pose.  I wonder if, in Mountain Pose, all she can see is my torso with my pants heading south and my shirt heading north.  I keep trying to catch a glimpse and make appropriate adjustments to ensure some decorum, but it's a daunting task.

At some point I notice most other students have turned off their video and I begin to understand why.  All that self-monitoring is distracting.  But I also feel that if the instructor can't see us, she can't know if we are doing something truly dangerous that she should correct....or whether we've grown distracted and started to scroll Facebook.

I also need to move more furniture, but I try to keep the coffee table close for my computer to rest on so I can see the screen, which means much of the time when I'm lying down my legs are extended under the table.  To move them I have to move me again, skootching up and then often whacking my head or my arms on chairs surrounding me. This is just laziness on my part; I try to squeeze into too small a space for being able to effortlessly achieve full range of motion.

In spite of these personal failings and "yoga at home" challenges, I'm still grateful.  I'm grateful for the calming cadences of my teachers' instructions, for a glimpse of the most beautiful yoga studio in the world, for moving my body, and and for eventually finding moments of stillness of mind.  I can laugh at my clumsiness and know with a sense of peace and acceptance: "this is real"; "this is now"; "this is life"; this is yoga!

Namaste, donnajurene