ANGRY YOGA

In my last post I talked about feeling a bit overwhelmed with life -- world gone mad, personal life off-kilter.

Elizabeth always talks about Yoga's purpose is really to help calm the mind.  I think the teacher in this video needs a bit more practice -- the fake Public Service Announcement at the end notwithstanding.

Take a look; short and funny:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH0l4FlZT-A

And now you have a little glimpse into my sometimes irreverent sense of humor. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

GRADING A LIFE

Let me acknowledge right from the start that I realize this is the first post on the blog this month.   I guess I haven't felt I have much to say...writer's block maybe.   Or just life; feeling like I'm not very good at it this month.

I get overwhelmed by the world at times, don't you?  The Paris bombings focused our attention not only on France, but on the many terrorist activities around the globe.  It's painful to see people in such pain -- those perpetrators in the grip of evil and the innocent victimized by hate.  It's painful to see some turn away from the helpless and instead want to "hunker down" with a "keep 'em out" mentality because fear overrides compassion when we let it.  I've just been in a sad, confused, overwhelmed state of mind.

On a personal level, there has been a big upset in my life around recent events in my church community that took everyone by surprise over the past few months, resulting in a minister resigning, three board members resigning, me resigning from a leadership committee, others aiming pointed arrows at leaders they felt were in the wrong....Not at all the loving, compassionate, open-hearted community I thought it to be.  I've decided to step back from leadership involvement there for the foreseeable future and to basically take a break from all church activities.   I feel the loss.

And relief.  Talking with a friend over breakfast earlier this week, I told her that while I was sad over the church situation, I felt such a sense of spaciousness about my life with all the obligations and dramas surrounding that community now absent.   It's not just Sunday services -- it's all the mental and emotional energy that goes into organizing, leading, facilitating, planning, advertising, and supervising that can get overwhelming.  She had known me for 30 years and we traced my involvements in any number of organizations and causes and decided I've never had a break...it's been one thing after another and most often several things simultaneously.  I was able to trace back even further to being a young woman in her 20's and realized it's been more like 40 years of involvements of one type or another.  I've been pretty good at organizing and leading stuff.  But now I'm clearing the decks.  No more.

What does all this have to do with Yoga?  I came to class on Thursday and Karen asked me how I was doing.  I said "Oh...OK."

"Just OK?", she asked.  "Like a C, B-, B+?"

"Oh, I guess a B", I answered.  We both laughed.  B is really pretty good.

She jokingly said, "You must always want to have an A+ experience."  And then I knew....she was right.  I do.

I want to have, and create for others, an A+ experience.  No wonder I'm exhausted.  No wonder the world in general and my church thing in particular are such monumental events for me this month.  They are far, far from A+ experiences -- more like F.  And F stand for Failure.  Depending on how one looks at it.

Maybe we need the occasional F to wake us up to complacency.  Maybe the occasional F demands we find a creative way to move Forward, a way to find Fun and Fulfillment and a bright Future down roads not yet taken.  Maybe it demands Facing Facts and making a change.

Karen always advocates making a change when an asana causes us pain.  As in asana so in life.  There can be pain.  Make a change.  Find the edge where ease and challenge meet.  Work there for a bit, then back off and rest.   For too long, far too long, I've been working too often beyond challenge into pain...and staying there.

During savasana, Karen came by to push down on my shoulders, to create a more open-hearted posture as I rested, then she took just an extra moment to rub my shoulders and neck, placing hands on my scalp.  She didn't see the tears beneath the eye pillow -- tears of gratitude to be so nurtured with Yoga, with friendship, with gentle touch.

I'm taking a new road.  I'm going to back off and find ease.  I am going to allow myself to earn many, many C's -- Compassion, Contemplation, Courage, Creativity, Contentment.   I'm going to find my Center again. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

YOGA IN THE JUNGLE

I'm baaaaaack!  I've been traveling.  My husband and I went to the Big Island, Hawaii, to attend the World Elder Gathering of the Mankind Project, an organization he/we have been involved with for a couple of decades.  Most attendees were from the U.S., some from Europe and the U.K. and a bunch from Australia.  There were keynote speakers on a variety of topics focused on elder years and activism, health, personal growth.  Some sessions were for men only, some for women only.   The event was held at Kalani, a retreat center south of Hilo on the wet side of the island.  We lucked out.  The weather was clear, hot, and steamy (it's in the jungle!)  Dark nights gave us wondrous star displays with the Milky Way arcing across the sky.  I also appreciated the deep dark since I felt more comfortable using the "clothing optional" pool under the starry, rather than the sunny sky.

Kalani offers a variety of programming focused on health, separate from any conferences that might be going on, and yoga is one of their main offerings.  It's a "go to" destination for yoga retreats and they offer a variety of yoga classes every day.  The one offered to us free of charge was from 6:00 to 7:00 each morning.  I had such good intentions of going every morning, but found it so hard to crawl from my comfy bed in the Treehouse Lodge (a large mostly screened suite up a flight of stairs, so with an expansive view from about tree-top level -- very cool!).  So, as the days ticked by one night I realized I had only one more chance to attend.   I set my alarm and in the morning I flung myself into the early wet dawn, pulled on my yoga pants and Yoga Circle T-shirt and set off for the Rainbow Room where the classes were held.

I've reported here in the past on the less than stellar experiences I've had with Yoga while traveling. I'm happy to report this one was a good one, although at first I had my doubts.  I walked in to find a substitute instructor, a woman who was actually a conference participant rather than the young Kalani instructor I was expecting.  (Perhaps she was worn out from leading a group of women, including me, in a Yoni Steaming ritual the previous day.  Curious, aren't you?)  I grabbed my mat and blanket noting there were only three other people there.  I sat in the front so I could see better in the indoor gloom of the drippy, rainy early morning.  Soft music was playing from the leader's I-Phone and I settled into a few moments of meditation.  When I opened my eyes, I looked around to find we'd been joined by about ten more participants.  Not bad for 6 a.m. I thought.

I thought our instructor might be someone with an "interest" and some experience as a yoga practitioner.  For some reason it didn't occur to me that she was a certified and very experienced instructor who had been asked to fill in because she was the real deal, even if not on the payroll.  She agreed and led us through a lovely practice built around the elements of Fire (Honoring Goddess Pele), Earth/Land ('Aina), Water (the Pacific Ocean) and Air/Sky (Wakea).  Breath of Fire, Mountain Pose, Fish, Tree....she chose a variety of poses that had at least some connection with the elements.  It was a slow, intentional, sweet practice keeping us grounded in the beauty of the place and also allowing us to take into our hearts, minds, and spirits the movement of body and breath that reflected our experience of Hawaii and Kalani.  I liked it.

And today I returned to Yoga Circle, gratefully yielding to Karen's welcoming hug, happy to be home.  When we stood in wide-legged Mountain Pose, though, I thought of our trip to the top of Mauna Kea to watch the sunset; our trip to the crater of Kilauea and the glowing lava from which Pele rules.  We are of the elements.  Blessed and blessings. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

APPRECIATE THE PROP

Chairs?  I don't want no stinkin' chairs in my practice!  The fewer props the better - I am aiming for strong, balanced, independent.  But OK; I get it.  Sometimes an injury or chronic physical challenge requires the use of lots of props -- chairs included.  They are fine for those who need them.  Not me.

But a couple of weeks ago, in solidarity with a regular practitioner who is recovering from shoulder surgery, Karen suggested the entire class do "chair yoga".  I internally balked, but went along because I don't believe in anarchy. So I grabbed my folding chair from the stash behind the curtain -- a stash I never even knew existed.

Karen led us through seated postures, standing postures where we used the chair back and chair seat to support us, balance postures where a grab at a stationary object was quite appreciated, I admit, and even floor postures where we did forward folds into the chair seat.

Here's what I noticed.  First, obviously, was the awareness of my resistance; my "superiority complex" of not needing a chair -- nor even wanting one. I got over that pretty quickly because it was just so obviously an Ego thing.  "Shush, Judgy One!  Try something new!"

I noticed how some familiar poses were so much easier with a chair.  Others, however, were much harder.  Poses I could do easily without the chair became more difficult because of having to accommodate the prop.  I was puzzled because I didn't expect that to happen.  And I was frustrated.  I just wanted to kick the chair aside and get on with my regular practice.  I actually felt a bit angry about having to make the chair a part of my asana.

At one point, leaning into the seat of the chair in a forward fold, quietly listening to my breath,  letting thoughts settle, I awoke to the fact that this must be exactly how those who are injured or impaired in any way feel every single day.  They want to kick the chair (or cane, or walker, or wheelchair) aside and get back to their "normal" life.  But they can't.  They have to learn a new way of being and moving that includes a "prop".  Generally the prop is necessary and appreciated in that it allows mobility where mobility would be impossible otherwise.  But it also adds an alien feature to their identity.  I've watched several members of my family and friends, due to age or illness, navigate the inclusion of canes and walkers in their lives.  I've seen folks on crutches and in wheelchairs trying to propel themselves forward with some measure of competence.  None of them looked particularly happy about it, at least initially.

This awareness, this even fleeting connection with and understanding of what others experience was such a gift to me.  My superiority complex faded into humility and gratitude;  the recognition that I am merely "currently-abled".  I am one accident, one fall, one diagnosis away from having a "prop" be a permanent part of my practice and of my life.  And when that is the case for me, I will be grateful for the presence of every prop I can lay hands on to keep me involved in life.

As is so often the case, this yoga class had so little to do with asana and so much to do with a change in perspective, an awareness of the story of Ego, and the rise of compassion for others.  Yoga is not an exercise class.  Yoga is life. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

Photo Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/794181715509631804/