BEING WITH WHAT IS

8.10.15    I'm sitting at our campsite at Colonial Creek Campground.  J. has left on a several mile hike.  I am alone here by choice.  I did a 4-mile hike yesterday and hated it, even though I’ve done it before and recalled it being easy. Well, it is a relatively easy hike, but I was tired, hot, dehydrated and mostly it had that familiar feeling I get when hiking…of a death march.  

I’m unsure why I came on this trip.  While at home, I recalled that last time we were here I enjoyed it  But then I got here and remembered that we stayed three nights, which I recall thinking at the time was one night too many, so I guess I didn’t love it so much after all.  This time we are here for only two, thankfully.  

I think I came because it is pretty here. The weather is perfect.  And I wanted to share this with J. He loves camping and hiking.  But as he points out, my “sharing” also includes periods of complaint, sarcasm, and moroseness.  He likely prefers to be alone.  I can’t blame him.  I don’t do this with enthusiasm.  

I am rarely bored.  I hate the word and feel those who rely on it are just not interesting/interested or creative enough to use their time in a way that is fulfilling.  But I have to admit….here, with nowhere to go, no internet, no contact with my friends and family.  Hmm….I will be challenged to find something that holds my attention as this long day unfolds.

I have my novel (loving the Outlander series!), but I’ve been reading almost non-stop since finally giving up trying to sleep at 6:00 a.m. after fitful awakenings all night long.  It's 11:00 now and my vision is blurry.  I have to rest my eyes, so maybe a walk to the lake or around the campground loop is in order.  The sun is peeking through.  Yoga on the tent pad is an option, as is a perch by the stream and a time of meditation.  Breathe.

And there you have a glimpse into a Journal entry I wrote last Monday.  Whine, whine, whine.  Nope, I'm not a fan of camping even though we have a very modern, warm, cozy truck camper (stove! microwave! refrigerator! Queen bed!)  My sweet husband has tried his darnedest to make me comfortable enough to want to go camping with him, but mostly I don't see the point.  We have taken road trips in the camper and I like that.  I feel like a turtle with my "home" on my back.  But to drive a few hours to sit in woods?  Not so much.  I find it to be more convenient, quiet, private, and as beautiful at home.  (I'm grateful for the view and a wooded ravine on our property that I get to enjoy every day.)

So, when we returned and I gratefully came into Yoga Circle on Thursday, getting a big sympathetic hug from Karen, I was happy.  Then she read a selection from Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and it was perfect.  He talks about transforming suffering into peace:

"Your first chance is to surrender each moment to the reality of that moment.  Knowing that what is cannot be undone -- because it already is -- you say yes to what is, or accept what isn't.  The you do what you have to do, whatever the situation requires.  If you abide in this state of acceptance you create no more negativity, no more suffering, no more unhappiness.  You live then in a state of nonresistance, a state of grace and lightness, free of struggle."

Re-reading the Journal entry above, I see how I was lost in "suffering", trying to change the circumstances by dwelling on how much I didn't want to be doing what I was doing -- camping and hiking; didn't want to be where I was -- outside cell range and far too far away from Starbucks; didn't even want to be who I was -- a complaining ungrateful partner.

Then, slowly, I started to move into a place of acceptance.  I looked at a beautiful day stretching before me; a day of solitude and spaciousness.  I did take that walk around the campground loop which was quiet (not so very many campers on a Monday) and smelled of the forest.  I sat by the rushing stream, my back against the strong trunk of a cedar tree, closed my eyes and meditated for a good long while.  I walked down the short path to the edge of Diablo Lake, emerald green and shimmering in the afternoon sun.  I rolled out my Yoga travel mat on the vacant gravel tent pad and did a short standing asana practice.  Then I returned to my book, snacking on peanuts that drew the attention of two little chipmunks hoping for a handout.  Before I knew it, my husband was back and we had a lovely evening, chatting 'round the fit pit together.  I had given up suffering and accepted the "is" of the moment.

If I could do that more often, I'd be a happier woman.  The Power of Now, indeed.  ©

Namaste,  donnajurene