On Wednesday I showed up to class feeling a bit tired (see weird, sleep-depriving dreams above), but ready for a good class. Only a few minutes into it, however, I started to worry that I'd contracted an exotic affliction which prevented my joints from bending and interfered with my muscles' ability to hold me up. I was like the Tin Man clutching the empty oil can. I could scarcely move! Every pose felt like the first time I tried yoga 20 years ago and hated it. At least this time I knew something was "off" and could make adjustments. I started grabbing props, modifying poses, and resting a lot. I made it through the class and felt the better for it -- more flexible at the end. But I still don't know what had made me so stiff and weak out of the blue. Mysteries of the body.
Then came Thursday. I went to class wondering how it would go. By 15 minutes in I started to question my body again. Every pose felt effortless! I felt strong and flexible in a class that was more challenging that the previous day's class had been! I felt like Wonder Woman -- Yogi Extraordinaire! I was floating through the class when suddenly emotion overwhelmed me and in my favorite resting pose, Child's Pose, I felt tears spring to my eyes. I was caught by the gratitude for my practice, for Yoga Circle surrounding me in beauty, by my sister and fellow Yogis, and maybe most especially by Karen's encouraging, calming, familiar cadences from the front of the room, guiding us through familiar poses and reminding us to breathe and be in this moment. I don't know where that emotion came from out of the blue. Mysteries of the mind/spirit.
It seems some people move through life on an even keel, one day much like the other, mind/body/spirit all driving in unison down the highway of life in a straight line from here to there. Not so for me. I seem to weave all over the road, making pit stops for body tune-ups, meandering into sadness/depression, broken down with anxiety, flying fast with joy my hair blowing in the wind, all the while trying but often failing to reach the destination I set out to reach. I try, with every fork in the road, to stay awake and aware that there is a lesson to learn either way I go.
That has been the lesson of yoga for me; to be present to every changing moment; to accept the "is-ness" of what is happening; and to use the tools of yoga like a roadmap to get back on course. Letting go of expectations, I embraced my body's needs on Wednesday and letting go again, I embraced my body's victory on Thursday. All the while I noticed my mind judging and questioning, celebrating and appreciating. I let my emotions spill over as tears.
Not that it's always easy to be in a state of acceptance. Sometimes I just feel "possessed" and wonder: "Now what's happening?!?" Some days the best I can do is just stay on the road, no matter where it leads or how I feel about going there. ©
Namaste, donnajurene
Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_captblack76'>captblack76 / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
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