Our bodies respond immediately to what feels like a threat -- which can be a real one, like a snarling dog running in your direction, or can be only the thought of a threat...the "what if's" we torment ourselves with in spiraling fantasies of death and disaster. A car cuts you off and even though there was no danger of an accident, there could have been so the response is often fear and/or anger and a flood of stress hormones.
Whether real or imagined...what is the body response? Same. Fight, flight, or freeze happens. Heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, muscles contract, hunger abates -- every bodily function starts to focus on survival and hormones are released on massive quantities to enable us to do what must be done to live another day.
Actually physical threats are thankfully rare for those of us in healthy relationships and in a relatively peaceful environments at home and in our communities. But our minds are constantly scanning for danger anyway and for some this creates many, many moments of anxiety and stress as we imagine all that could go awry. Our bodies begin to live in a physiological state similar to the mean dog attack response.
In the 4th & 5th MBSR classes we focus on stress and how we react and respond to it. Life is stressful. We can make it more so, often, by how we respond to every day stressors. But we can learn to identify the actual events that stress us, the real emotions attached to those events, and how we can take a step back, breathe through the real emotion, and find a new response to the situation that does not contribute to the stress spiral.
A technique called RAIN is helpful. You feel stressed over something; you then
R: Recognize what is happening: Damn! That guy just cut me off! I could have rear-ended him! What a jerk! (You are angry because you've decided the guy is a jerk. Also you are afraid because you might have been injured in an accident. NOTE the stories you are telling yourself about the character of the person in the other car and the "what if" that might have happened...but didn't).
A: Allow and accept what is, is. (Whoa. This is happening right now! I got cut off and I'm feeling scared and angry. I understand why I'm feeling these things. I have compassion for myself in this situation; it really was scary and I'm a nervous driver anyway.)
I: Investigate Inner Experience by recognizing the cascade of emotions and then calling upon mindfulness training to step back and breathe. (Whew. Taking deep breaths; feeling my tight shoulder muscles and consciously relaxing them; feeling my tight grip on the wheel and loosening it. Still a little nervous, but calmer; everything seems to be OK. Traffic is moving and I'm fine...)
N: Non-identification can be the response to the situation by recognizing that anger and fear are emotions that arose, but don't have to rule us in this situation. The guy did a careless thing, perhaps, but isn't necessarily a jerk, so anger is a choice. An accident might have happened, but didn't so fear is not an emotion that was appropriate...maybe gratitude is a better choice. We had an experience; we didn't become the experience. (Interesting; that guy made a careless decision to cut in, or maybe he just didn't see me. I have been distracted before too. Maybe he is dealing with some difficult stuff. I'm grateful there was no accident. -- End of story!)
This has helped me so much in my quest to overcome the constant flow of "story" in my head, the motives I assign to people, the fears and fantasies of worst case scenarios.
Mindfulness helps us be in the moment of what is, helps us find compassion for ourselves and others, allows us to live with open hearts and open minds to every unfolding moment. And we don't have to be stressed all the time!
Let it RAIN!
Namaste, donnajurene
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