That's why it was really, really hard to head to a day-long meditation retreat last Saturday as part of this mindfulness course I am taking. All the live-long, sunny, brilliant blue sky, red-orange-gold day I spent inside a hospital conference room not talking to anyone and, most of the time, with my eyes closed. I had thought of a million reasons not to go.
But I went.
This day-long retreat is meant to be a total immersion into mindfulness meditation, a "sampler" of meditation practices we may find useful in our daily lives. We've explored some of them in class, but this was a chance to dive deep.
We arrived at 9:00 a.m. to settle in and get instruction from our teacher. Then we went into silence.
At 9:30 we had our first sitting meditation session: Awareness of Breath. The idea is to just breathe. Don't do anything special, just be aware of the breath going in and out of the nose; the belly and chest rising and falling in rhythm. Thoughts come, acknowledge that, and let them pass on without attaching to them. Sounds easy, huh? Try it. Especially try it when the large group in some sort of training session is on the other side of the room divider talking, laughing, and applauding. Meditation challenge.
At 10:00 we stood for our first Walking Meditation session of the day. The room was large enough for all of us to line up on each side of the room and and find a "lane" to walk to the other side, passing classmates along the way. Again, nothing needed but to pay attention. Walk at any pace, but be aware of body, how the foot feels on the carpet, legs and arms moving in tandem, and breath. Don't focus on thoughts, just body moving along your lane. I liked it and found it calming.
At 10:30 it was time for some easy yoga and a body-scan. We spread out our mats and followed the instructions of our teacher as he led us through a very gentle asana practice, then we settled into a savasana posture to do a full body-scan practice. Some fell asleep, but not me. I did notice I continue to have a hard time with this practice, feeling uncomfortable on my back even though I brought lots of props and blankets, and that I get very impatient and antsy. Interesting to note. No judgement.
At 11:00 it was time to sit again for a Listening Practice. Just close eyes, and hear sounds. Try not to identify or explain to resist or tell a story, just notice "sound" and move on. "Sound" was mostly that other group continuing to distract me. HaHa I need more practice.
At 11:30 we walked again. Same thing.
At noon we had a lunch break...Mindful Eating. Everyone found a quiet place to eat their sack lunch. Some stayed in the room, others retreated to the large foyer where there were big windows and a few tables, and some rebels defied the instructions and went outside. That was me. I just HAD to have some fresh air and sunshine. A couple others did too. I ate my crackers, cheese, and fruit with the sun on my face, the breeze in my hair, the colors of the trees dancing before my eyes, and watched as a crew re-striped the parking lot in the back of the hospital. I loved the quiet and focus of eating with intention.
Back inside at 12:45 we sat for and Open Awareness meditation. This one really resonated with me. The idea is to be fully aware of everything going on -- being in touch with all senses and thoughts and to learn, by this paying attention, more about ourselves -- how our minds and bodies have certain habits and patterns. We were to notice, note, and move on...but with some awareness of Self and how we might be causing our own distress at times. I noted that I am always planning something. And not just "I have to stop at the store on the way home.." but planning imaginary gatherings, or creating a book, or writing any number of things I have ideas for...actual sentences of some future writing project started to flit though my mind. No wonder I often feel I don't accomplish enough; my brain is creating things at such a pace, I could never keep up.
At 1:15 we walked again. Back and forth. I noticed that movement meditation, either walking or yoga, really calms my mind. I don't think as much when I'm moving; not so caught by the planning mind.
At 1:45 we did a Lovingkindness Meditation. This is when you send out loving thoughts of well-being to someone you love; then to someone you know a little, but not well; and in advanced practices, to someone with whom you have a lot of conflict or difficulty. Finally you sending lovingkindness to yourself. I like this practice, but sometime it's really hard to send love to someone who is your nemesis. Advanced, indeed.
At 2:15 we did a bit of standing yoga; again very gentle, and mostly Mountain Pose and bending left and right.
At 2:30 we did a Self-Compassion meditation, similar to Lovingkindness but totally self-directed. It felt very nurturing. One suggestion to was to visualize ourselves as children...it was powerful to send love to our little selves.
At 3:00 we finally were able to speak again...and shared in pairs and then with the group our experience of the day. Everyone felt it was positive; many gained new insights and had profound experiences.
The retreat ended at 4:00. I came away with new learning about how body movement can be a focused meditation for me. I discovered that my planning brain keeps me feeling stressed at times over the fantasies of all I want and should to do, but don't have the time or energy to accomplish in real life. I loved the sense of community, even though we were in silence together -- sort of an introvert's dream, really.
All in all, I'm glad I went. I only wish it had been a rainy day...
Namaste, donnajurene
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