FULL OF IT

Good Morning, Class.  Today we will explore the suffix "ful" and a curious evolution in our common usage of such.

One would agree, wouldn't one, that beautiful means "full of beauty"?  Likewise, fearful would indicate a feeling of "full of fear"; artful, "full of art" (or artistic ability); fanciful "full of 'fancy' or whimsy"; wonderful, "full of wonder"; graceful, "full of grace"...and so on.  There are many examples.  Take a moment to think of some.  It's fun.

In class yesterday Karen began to talk of being careful, but with a twist.  She meant that we should be full of care for ourselves, and I started to wonder....when did "Be careful" turn into an admonishment meaning "avoid disaster!"  We shout, "Be careful!" to toddlers learning to use stairs; to teenagers driving for the first time; to husbands with a bad knee still doing Double Diamond gladed runs on his snowboard.  (OK, maybe that's just me, but he did hit a tree one time and ended up with bruised ribs.)

Be careful, of course, does indicate a desire for our loved one, or ourself, to take care in a myriad of ways to stay healthy and whole, but we use the term as a warning, issued as a limitation.

These days we are being told to embrace radical acceptance and to seek activities that are renewing and refreshing and we call it "self-care".  Aren't we actually engaging in being "care-FULL" when we lie on the massage table, take a nap, read a book, meet a friend for coffee, enjoy a healthful (full of health!) meal, or step onto our yoga mats?

And if we are reclaiming careful, let's also give a shout-out to awful.  How about instead of that word most typically meaning something terrible, no good, and to be avoided, we instead looked at the world from a place of being "full of awe".

Yes!  I think one of my New Year Intentions (I refuse to make short-term resolutions, but I do set long-term intentions), is to reclaim the words "careful" and "awful" -- removing them from the negative connotation of something to be feared, something that can harm, something to avoid -- to a way of being in the world that uplifts me, reminds me to care for myself in a positive way and to be appreciative and grateful for life's mysteries.  I want to be "full of care"  and "full of awe" in a way that enhances my life.

Let's all greet 2019 by being very, very care-full and very, very awe-full!  ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

SCHOOL DAZE

Oh my!  What have I done????

Over a period of 2-3 weeks, I picked up the brochure numerous times, read it, and put it down again on top of the stack of other brochures.  One day  I stuck one in my purse and took it home.  The next day I brought it back.  One day I told my husband about my inkling and he asked why I was hesitating.  He was encouraging.  Still, I hesitated.  I took home another brochure.  I left it on my desk so I'd see it every day.  Finally, finally I listened to the small, still voice that was whispering "Yes, do it."

I finally picked up the Yoga Teacher training brochure and committed.  I've registered for Karen and Elizabeth's 200-hour course which will start in January and go through July.  Oh my...

Why was I hesitating?  Well, there was this:  Who am I to think I could actually teach yoga to anyone???  I can't do all the poses; I'm not deeply steeped in the yogic philosophy; I know almost nothing about human anatomy; I've got some aches and pains and some days I feel like a beginner even after practicing for over 10 years.

Then there was that huge time commitment at a time in my life when I'm actively avoiding ongoing commitments.  I'm retired!  I don't have to do anything!  But there it was --one weekend a month for six months I'll be in class Thursday from 5:30-8:30, Friday and Saturday 10:00-6:00, and Sunday 9:00-5:30.  It all culminates with a 5 day intensive retreat in July.  That is a lot!  Plus I gotta think there will be homework.

Another smaller, yet real concern was my age.  I'll be 68 years old next week.  Isn't a bit late to be starting something new?  I imagined everyone else in the class being young, fit, and vivacious, with body hugging cute outfits and yoga butts -- not like me in my hoodie cuz I tend to be chilly, prone to migraines, plantar facititis, a glitchy hip, a crooked scoliosis-leaning spine, and a wee touch of occasional anxiety.  Plus, I have not taken formal study in anything in many, many years.  I didn't want to be the slow learner.

What brought me around?  Curiosity.  Challenge.  Passion.  Vision.  Community.

I may not know much about yoga philosophy and human anatomy, but I really want to learn about both!  I'm excited about this most of all.  I like the challenge of delving into a course of study and I can already feel the 'first day of school' anticipation I used to feel as a kid.  I was one of those who loved school and the possibilities of worlds to discover contained in every textbook and syllabus.

I'm passionate about yoga.  That doesn't mean I am an obsessive practitioner, but I am an evangelist for the benefits to mind, body, and spirit of the practice and I'm always grateful for having incorporated it into my life.  I tout the practice to others at every opportunity.  Yoga is a metaphor for life...it's all right there on the mat if you are open to it.

I want to deepen my own practice with this study, foremost, but occasionally I have fantasies of teaching informally in settings for kids and older people.  I volunteer in my granddaughter's 3rd grade classroom and I can imagine introducing simple breathing and asana there; also at my other granddaughter's preschool.  At the other end of the age spectrum, I have a vision of taking simple yoga practices into Adult Family Homes.  My mother lived in one of these and I loved visiting with her and residents there, but saw the isolation from activities that are more available in other more institutional "senior living" settings. I think it would be fun and beneficial for them to have a "yoga day".

I don't know if any of that will come to pass.  I'm taking it one step at a time.  For now I'm looking forward to joining Karen and Elizabeth, to meeting the other students, and to forming our little community of learners -- risking, laughing, learning, and growing together.

(And NO, I'm not too old!  I'm a strong advocate for stamping out ageism and this is my way of acknowledging that while I might have some hesitancy, that won't stop me!  I'm ready to rock this yoga teacher thing!)©

Namaste, donnajurene

WISE TEARS

My husband and I have a morning "coffee date" where we sit in our living room watching the birds at the feeder and discuss whatever is on our minds at 8:00 a.m.  It might be about plumbing issues, family outings, fears and tears, or joyful anticipation of an upcoming event.   Today it was about "to do" lists and the ever-racing brain that goes along with keeping a cascade of details in mind as the holiday season unfolds.  We talked about whether our meditation practice helps beyond sitting in silent meditation, with staying calm during the day.  My husband is better at this 'carry-over' effect than I am.  I bounce right up from meditation; my brain re-engages and my body is off and running.  But after this discussion, as I drove to yoga class,  I vowed to try to stay in mindful calm more often than not.  I was looking forward to my asana practice.

But I walked in the door and Elizabeth reminded me this was Yoga Nidra Wednesday.  She knows that particular practice is not my favorite.  She gave me the option to decide if I wanted to stay.  Which is when I started to weep -- a sure sign that something was prodding me to stand in that emotion and feel all the feels that were coming up.  I told her I wanted to like Yoga Nidra, but I can never get physically comfortable; can't make my mind be present to the practice.  I get impatient, even frustrated and a bit angry, and I just want to get up and get out.  I said this as tears fell.  She hugged me.  She said leaving was an option and a perfectly fine one.  She also offered that I could leave after the asana portion of the class.  Or instead of lying down for the meditation portion of the practice, I could sit in a chair.

Wait...What??? Sit in a chair?  Is that OK?  That's not how this practice "should" be done!  It's Yoga SLEEP, after all!  But in her calm and encouraging way, she reminded me my yoga practice is always my practice.  I can find a posture that works for me, no matter how unorthodox.  So, I decided to stay.  I knew my tears were cuing me into something important.  I felt vulnerable...always a good sign of an open, needing heart.

By the time I'd dithered at the door, and had my weep-fest with Elizabeth, the room was nearly too full to find a spot for my mat.  This is a very popular practice for most people!  I had intended to hide in the corner of the room.  Instead I ended up front and center between the doors and the raised area where Elizabeth took her teacher spot.   I set up my mat and opened myself to whatever was going to happen.

The asana practice was gentle and calming.  Then, for the meditation portion,  I gathered props (chair, blanket, bolster, blocks) to support myself in a surprisingly comfortable posture, and with Elizabeth's help with strategically placed straps around my legs and wrists ("yoga handcuffs"!) I was able to find complete relaxation of limbs.  I closed my eyes and followed the guided meditation for the next 45 minutes, physically comfortable and with the ability to allow thoughts to rise and fall, come and go, without attachment.  Except the one that recurred:  I wanted to try the new Starbucks Juniper Latte and my mind would not leave that one alone!  So funny!

At the end of class, I was so grateful I stayed.  I felt totally relaxed, elated, calm, and joyful.  I hugged Elizabeth on the way out -- grateful as always for her gentle encouragement and skilled leadership.

As I sipped my yummy Juniper Latte on the way home (yes, I stopped at Starbucks), I knew I had found my way to Yoga Nidra after all.  And the carry-over effect lasted all day.  No longer avoiding that class, I'll be embracing it -- making it my own.  I'm glad I trusted those wise tears. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

From Wikipedia:  Yoga nidra (Sanskrit: योग निद्रा) or yogic sleep) is a state of consciousness between waking and sleeping, like the "going-to-sleep" stage. It is a state in which the body is completely relaxed, and the practitioner becomes systematically and increasingly aware of the inner world by following a set of verbal instructions.

THANKFULNESS

We live in a prickly world.  It seems we are inundated with bad news: wars, famines, Mother Nature's furies, political upheaval, seemingly intractable problems to solve on all fronts -- from climate change and gun control to my computer software crashing just as I was ready to hit "send" on a photo book I'd created for my granddaughter.  From the overwhelming to the merely annoying, life can sometimes feel like running up against one obstacle after another.

And yet, tomorrow is the American holiday of Thanksgiving, and we are called to thankfulness.

It doesn't take me long to find an "attitude of gratitude", as Karen encourages us to do in class, but I have to admit there is a short pause as I mentally discard all the trouble spots in my life and zero in on thankfulness.

My husband and I facilitate a monthly sharing circle of twelve people who come together to socialize and share from the heart in a rare gathering of trust and intimacy built up over the past three years of building this intentional community of friendship.  We generally try to come up with a process of getting below the surface and finding insight into who we are and why we respond as we do to our lives and to those around us.

Last week we met and with thankfulness as a theme, we led the group in an exercise of going around the circle to share a recent challenge or disappointment -- something that didn't go as expected.  From national and local political issues to bum knees and family troubles,  each person in the group shared their feelings of being let down.

The next round around the circle we encouraged a deeper dive.  In spite of that disappointment, was there a place of gratitude around what what happening?  I am no Pollyanna.  I HATE the "it could be worse"/"put on a happy face" response to very real events and feelings.  But I also find no solace in wallowing in and perseverating on a challenge indefinitely.  That place of stuck-ness and self-pity does not move me forward.

My sharing was about troubles I've had with my eyesight recently -- unable to read for any length of time; squinting at the computer screen; seemingly cloudier vision in one eye; night driving becoming more challenging... What the heck?  A trip to the Opthamalogist revealed that I have a growing cataract in my left eye.  WHAT?  Isn't that what my grandmother had when she was old?  I was beyond disappointed with this diagnosis.

I lamented for a couple of days, worried and sad.  Then I started to realize: I was able to get a same-day appointment, insurance covered all but the co-pay; the doctor and the technician were skilled, friendly, and encouraging; the array of technologically sophisticated machinery employed to make a thorough and accurate diagnosis was pretty amazing; there is a procedure I can have done that will help me.  I found great gratitude for all of these things.  I still don't like what I'm experiencing, still don't want this thing happening, but grateful nonetheless to live in a time and place where this is not the beginning of blindness.

What would it be like to train our brains to be ever mindful of the gratitude that lies beneath each setback?  To see the everyday goodness and wonder of life?  To truly cultivate that "attitude of gratitude"?

We have that opportunity at all times, but maybe the baby step is to show up to yoga class at every visit grateful for the physical and emotional warmth of the studio, the beautiful art that surrounds us, the skilled and smiling teachers who lead us to health, the students next to us who are experiencing their own pain and challenge but who show up to move, breathe, and find solace together in a time of grateful awareness within the Yoga Circle community.

May your day of Thanksgiving be a blessing....and may you find thankfulness in every single day. ©

Namaste, donnajurene

Photocredit:  www.pixabay.com