WISE TEARS

My husband and I have a morning "coffee date" where we sit in our living room watching the birds at the feeder and discuss whatever is on our minds at 8:00 a.m.  It might be about plumbing issues, family outings, fears and tears, or joyful anticipation of an upcoming event.   Today it was about "to do" lists and the ever-racing brain that goes along with keeping a cascade of details in mind as the holiday season unfolds.  We talked about whether our meditation practice helps beyond sitting in silent meditation, with staying calm during the day.  My husband is better at this 'carry-over' effect than I am.  I bounce right up from meditation; my brain re-engages and my body is off and running.  But after this discussion, as I drove to yoga class,  I vowed to try to stay in mindful calm more often than not.  I was looking forward to my asana practice.

But I walked in the door and Elizabeth reminded me this was Yoga Nidra Wednesday.  She knows that particular practice is not my favorite.  She gave me the option to decide if I wanted to stay.  Which is when I started to weep -- a sure sign that something was prodding me to stand in that emotion and feel all the feels that were coming up.  I told her I wanted to like Yoga Nidra, but I can never get physically comfortable; can't make my mind be present to the practice.  I get impatient, even frustrated and a bit angry, and I just want to get up and get out.  I said this as tears fell.  She hugged me.  She said leaving was an option and a perfectly fine one.  She also offered that I could leave after the asana portion of the class.  Or instead of lying down for the meditation portion of the practice, I could sit in a chair.

Wait...What??? Sit in a chair?  Is that OK?  That's not how this practice "should" be done!  It's Yoga SLEEP, after all!  But in her calm and encouraging way, she reminded me my yoga practice is always my practice.  I can find a posture that works for me, no matter how unorthodox.  So, I decided to stay.  I knew my tears were cuing me into something important.  I felt vulnerable...always a good sign of an open, needing heart.

By the time I'd dithered at the door, and had my weep-fest with Elizabeth, the room was nearly too full to find a spot for my mat.  This is a very popular practice for most people!  I had intended to hide in the corner of the room.  Instead I ended up front and center between the doors and the raised area where Elizabeth took her teacher spot.   I set up my mat and opened myself to whatever was going to happen.

The asana practice was gentle and calming.  Then, for the meditation portion,  I gathered props (chair, blanket, bolster, blocks) to support myself in a surprisingly comfortable posture, and with Elizabeth's help with strategically placed straps around my legs and wrists ("yoga handcuffs"!) I was able to find complete relaxation of limbs.  I closed my eyes and followed the guided meditation for the next 45 minutes, physically comfortable and with the ability to allow thoughts to rise and fall, come and go, without attachment.  Except the one that recurred:  I wanted to try the new Starbucks Juniper Latte and my mind would not leave that one alone!  So funny!

At the end of class, I was so grateful I stayed.  I felt totally relaxed, elated, calm, and joyful.  I hugged Elizabeth on the way out -- grateful as always for her gentle encouragement and skilled leadership.

As I sipped my yummy Juniper Latte on the way home (yes, I stopped at Starbucks), I knew I had found my way to Yoga Nidra after all.  And the carry-over effect lasted all day.  No longer avoiding that class, I'll be embracing it -- making it my own.  I'm glad I trusted those wise tears. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

From Wikipedia:  Yoga nidra (Sanskrit: योग निद्रा) or yogic sleep) is a state of consciousness between waking and sleeping, like the "going-to-sleep" stage. It is a state in which the body is completely relaxed, and the practitioner becomes systematically and increasingly aware of the inner world by following a set of verbal instructions.