COMFORT ZONE CHALLENGE

As I announced in a previous post, I'm taking the Yoga Circle/Sarva Yoga-sponsored 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training.  We just had the first of our monthly weekend intensives (Intense!) and now we are on to doing our homework.  I have not done homework in approximately 35 years.

Guess what?!?  The Yoga Anatomy textbook has absolutely NO plot or character development; no poetry or examination of the psychological underpinnings of motivation and behavior; no sociological exposition of group dynamics; no mention whatsoever of Monet and the Impressionists! Just words, words, words (and the occasional diagram) in some language vaguely reminiscent of 8th grade biology class and that yucky frog dissection.  This Liberal Arts major is being a wee bit challenged, I tell ya!  I've already enlisted a tutor or two -- my husband who had a career in the medical field and a good friend who is a Physical Therapist and internationally known Pilates instructor/lecturer.  They find my confusion highly amusing, but they are willing to break it all down for me.

I decided to do the training to deepen my practice, to dive deeper into yoga philosophy, and to challenge myself intellectually with a new subject, knowing the anatomy piece would be out of my wheelhouse.  I was right about that!  But already I find it fascinating to learn what is happening internally, and why, as we move through our poses.

The other main components of the training are to study the yoga sutras (the ancient instruction of yoga and yoga philosophy) and to study asana practice.

Thursday night's Orientation was a great warm-up.  But by the end of the first full day on Friday I was overwhelmed and exhausted.  It all seemed so confusing and difficult.  It really wasn't, but my perception was skewed by the fact that I have taken no formal training in any topic unfamiliar to me in about 20 years.  Comfort Zone Challenge!  I was buoyed by the consistent encouragement of the teachers and a group of sister-students who seem to be equally at the Beginner's Mind level.  I felt held in love, care, and comaradie.  We are in this together!

Saturday was equally exhausting but likely due to the fact that since I retired 8 years ago, I haven't had to be in a "work" environment, paying attention, and engaged on one focus for 8 hours, three days in a row!  I went home exhausted!  But I noticed I was looking forward to Sunday.

Thankfully, Sunday started with an exploration of the Yoga Sutras and an introduction to Meditation. Those are right up my alley!  Then we did lots of asana and sequencing and finally, we ended with each of us taking a turn teaching part of an asana sequence.  Yikes!  Nerves all around, but we did it!  I left feeling exhilarated by the training.

Now I'm noticing my tendency to procrastinate on the homework piece but my meditation practice has taken a turn for the more regular;  I'm aware of so much more intention in class; and I have a far greater appreciation for the excellence of our Yoga Circle teachers.

Now if that anatomy book would stop taunting me....©

Namaste, donnajurene

FULL OF IT

Good Morning, Class.  Today we will explore the suffix "ful" and a curious evolution in our common usage of such.

One would agree, wouldn't one, that beautiful means "full of beauty"?  Likewise, fearful would indicate a feeling of "full of fear"; artful, "full of art" (or artistic ability); fanciful "full of 'fancy' or whimsy"; wonderful, "full of wonder"; graceful, "full of grace"...and so on.  There are many examples.  Take a moment to think of some.  It's fun.

In class yesterday Karen began to talk of being careful, but with a twist.  She meant that we should be full of care for ourselves, and I started to wonder....when did "Be careful" turn into an admonishment meaning "avoid disaster!"  We shout, "Be careful!" to toddlers learning to use stairs; to teenagers driving for the first time; to husbands with a bad knee still doing Double Diamond gladed runs on his snowboard.  (OK, maybe that's just me, but he did hit a tree one time and ended up with bruised ribs.)

Be careful, of course, does indicate a desire for our loved one, or ourself, to take care in a myriad of ways to stay healthy and whole, but we use the term as a warning, issued as a limitation.

These days we are being told to embrace radical acceptance and to seek activities that are renewing and refreshing and we call it "self-care".  Aren't we actually engaging in being "care-FULL" when we lie on the massage table, take a nap, read a book, meet a friend for coffee, enjoy a healthful (full of health!) meal, or step onto our yoga mats?

And if we are reclaiming careful, let's also give a shout-out to awful.  How about instead of that word most typically meaning something terrible, no good, and to be avoided, we instead looked at the world from a place of being "full of awe".

Yes!  I think one of my New Year Intentions (I refuse to make short-term resolutions, but I do set long-term intentions), is to reclaim the words "careful" and "awful" -- removing them from the negative connotation of something to be feared, something that can harm, something to avoid -- to a way of being in the world that uplifts me, reminds me to care for myself in a positive way and to be appreciative and grateful for life's mysteries.  I want to be "full of care"  and "full of awe" in a way that enhances my life.

Let's all greet 2019 by being very, very care-full and very, very awe-full!  ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

SCHOOL DAZE

Oh my!  What have I done????

Over a period of 2-3 weeks, I picked up the brochure numerous times, read it, and put it down again on top of the stack of other brochures.  One day  I stuck one in my purse and took it home.  The next day I brought it back.  One day I told my husband about my inkling and he asked why I was hesitating.  He was encouraging.  Still, I hesitated.  I took home another brochure.  I left it on my desk so I'd see it every day.  Finally, finally I listened to the small, still voice that was whispering "Yes, do it."

I finally picked up the Yoga Teacher training brochure and committed.  I've registered for Karen and Elizabeth's 200-hour course which will start in January and go through July.  Oh my...

Why was I hesitating?  Well, there was this:  Who am I to think I could actually teach yoga to anyone???  I can't do all the poses; I'm not deeply steeped in the yogic philosophy; I know almost nothing about human anatomy; I've got some aches and pains and some days I feel like a beginner even after practicing for over 10 years.

Then there was that huge time commitment at a time in my life when I'm actively avoiding ongoing commitments.  I'm retired!  I don't have to do anything!  But there it was --one weekend a month for six months I'll be in class Thursday from 5:30-8:30, Friday and Saturday 10:00-6:00, and Sunday 9:00-5:30.  It all culminates with a 5 day intensive retreat in July.  That is a lot!  Plus I gotta think there will be homework.

Another smaller, yet real concern was my age.  I'll be 68 years old next week.  Isn't a bit late to be starting something new?  I imagined everyone else in the class being young, fit, and vivacious, with body hugging cute outfits and yoga butts -- not like me in my hoodie cuz I tend to be chilly, prone to migraines, plantar facititis, a glitchy hip, a crooked scoliosis-leaning spine, and a wee touch of occasional anxiety.  Plus, I have not taken formal study in anything in many, many years.  I didn't want to be the slow learner.

What brought me around?  Curiosity.  Challenge.  Passion.  Vision.  Community.

I may not know much about yoga philosophy and human anatomy, but I really want to learn about both!  I'm excited about this most of all.  I like the challenge of delving into a course of study and I can already feel the 'first day of school' anticipation I used to feel as a kid.  I was one of those who loved school and the possibilities of worlds to discover contained in every textbook and syllabus.

I'm passionate about yoga.  That doesn't mean I am an obsessive practitioner, but I am an evangelist for the benefits to mind, body, and spirit of the practice and I'm always grateful for having incorporated it into my life.  I tout the practice to others at every opportunity.  Yoga is a metaphor for life...it's all right there on the mat if you are open to it.

I want to deepen my own practice with this study, foremost, but occasionally I have fantasies of teaching informally in settings for kids and older people.  I volunteer in my granddaughter's 3rd grade classroom and I can imagine introducing simple breathing and asana there; also at my other granddaughter's preschool.  At the other end of the age spectrum, I have a vision of taking simple yoga practices into Adult Family Homes.  My mother lived in one of these and I loved visiting with her and residents there, but saw the isolation from activities that are more available in other more institutional "senior living" settings. I think it would be fun and beneficial for them to have a "yoga day".

I don't know if any of that will come to pass.  I'm taking it one step at a time.  For now I'm looking forward to joining Karen and Elizabeth, to meeting the other students, and to forming our little community of learners -- risking, laughing, learning, and growing together.

(And NO, I'm not too old!  I'm a strong advocate for stamping out ageism and this is my way of acknowledging that while I might have some hesitancy, that won't stop me!  I'm ready to rock this yoga teacher thing!)©

Namaste, donnajurene

WISE TEARS

My husband and I have a morning "coffee date" where we sit in our living room watching the birds at the feeder and discuss whatever is on our minds at 8:00 a.m.  It might be about plumbing issues, family outings, fears and tears, or joyful anticipation of an upcoming event.   Today it was about "to do" lists and the ever-racing brain that goes along with keeping a cascade of details in mind as the holiday season unfolds.  We talked about whether our meditation practice helps beyond sitting in silent meditation, with staying calm during the day.  My husband is better at this 'carry-over' effect than I am.  I bounce right up from meditation; my brain re-engages and my body is off and running.  But after this discussion, as I drove to yoga class,  I vowed to try to stay in mindful calm more often than not.  I was looking forward to my asana practice.

But I walked in the door and Elizabeth reminded me this was Yoga Nidra Wednesday.  She knows that particular practice is not my favorite.  She gave me the option to decide if I wanted to stay.  Which is when I started to weep -- a sure sign that something was prodding me to stand in that emotion and feel all the feels that were coming up.  I told her I wanted to like Yoga Nidra, but I can never get physically comfortable; can't make my mind be present to the practice.  I get impatient, even frustrated and a bit angry, and I just want to get up and get out.  I said this as tears fell.  She hugged me.  She said leaving was an option and a perfectly fine one.  She also offered that I could leave after the asana portion of the class.  Or instead of lying down for the meditation portion of the practice, I could sit in a chair.

Wait...What??? Sit in a chair?  Is that OK?  That's not how this practice "should" be done!  It's Yoga SLEEP, after all!  But in her calm and encouraging way, she reminded me my yoga practice is always my practice.  I can find a posture that works for me, no matter how unorthodox.  So, I decided to stay.  I knew my tears were cuing me into something important.  I felt vulnerable...always a good sign of an open, needing heart.

By the time I'd dithered at the door, and had my weep-fest with Elizabeth, the room was nearly too full to find a spot for my mat.  This is a very popular practice for most people!  I had intended to hide in the corner of the room.  Instead I ended up front and center between the doors and the raised area where Elizabeth took her teacher spot.   I set up my mat and opened myself to whatever was going to happen.

The asana practice was gentle and calming.  Then, for the meditation portion,  I gathered props (chair, blanket, bolster, blocks) to support myself in a surprisingly comfortable posture, and with Elizabeth's help with strategically placed straps around my legs and wrists ("yoga handcuffs"!) I was able to find complete relaxation of limbs.  I closed my eyes and followed the guided meditation for the next 45 minutes, physically comfortable and with the ability to allow thoughts to rise and fall, come and go, without attachment.  Except the one that recurred:  I wanted to try the new Starbucks Juniper Latte and my mind would not leave that one alone!  So funny!

At the end of class, I was so grateful I stayed.  I felt totally relaxed, elated, calm, and joyful.  I hugged Elizabeth on the way out -- grateful as always for her gentle encouragement and skilled leadership.

As I sipped my yummy Juniper Latte on the way home (yes, I stopped at Starbucks), I knew I had found my way to Yoga Nidra after all.  And the carry-over effect lasted all day.  No longer avoiding that class, I'll be embracing it -- making it my own.  I'm glad I trusted those wise tears. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

From Wikipedia:  Yoga nidra (Sanskrit: योग निद्रा) or yogic sleep) is a state of consciousness between waking and sleeping, like the "going-to-sleep" stage. It is a state in which the body is completely relaxed, and the practitioner becomes systematically and increasingly aware of the inner world by following a set of verbal instructions.