Ever notice: 1) any sentence that has "but" near the beginning eradicates any phrase that comes before it? 2) complainers know they shouldn't complain, because they apologize for it before forging ahead?
Karen apologized for starting class a few minutes late last week because, she said, she was listening to complaints. I don't know where the complainers were -- whether at her city council job or at the yoga studio, but I want to believe at the city job. We yogis would be far too mellow to complain, wouldn't we?
Maybe not. I've been known to be a complainer, more so when I was younger and enjoyed the adrenaline surges of immature self-righteousness. Complaining inherently comes with an "I'm right and you're wrong" bias about a person, a situation, the temperature of the room, whatever. As I've matured (grown older) my complaints are fewer as I've discovered I pretty much can accommodate any situation. They are all temporary. Or I can take action on my own behalf and change what doesn't work for me. I am not powerless.
Still, there are times when one does want to vent; like the hour it took me to get through to my credit card customer service departments yesterday to take care of one simple task! We will be traveling soon and I wanted to notify them so they didn't put those fraud holds on my cards. Turns out "Customer Service" was only truly easy for one of the three calls I made. Frustrating. But a cup of coffee, some focused attention, rising to a challenge, and refusing to be defeated made the task sort of a personal triumph when completed.
I also tend to complain about weather more than one should. I've lived in the Northwest for 36 years and yet, the cool, dark, drizzly, gray days we endure (see? even that "endure" word is a complaint!) leave me longing for sunshine and warmth. I've complained lately that August, one of the months I live for the rest of the year, has been lost in a cloud of wildfire smoke, to the point where I didn't even open doors or windows for a week or more. Lots of grousing about that.
So what to do when things don't exactly go your way. Yes, speak up respectfully and ask for what you want/need. Yes, take action on your own behalf and change what you can. Yes, accept what is real and let go of the fantasy of how you want things to be. So often our complaints are that life doesn't live up to our expectations. But where did those expectations originate? From a TV show? A photo on the internet? A childhood dream? Accepting what "is" in the real world helps us adjust our expectations to a more realistic level.
Another antidote to complaint is gratitude. See my examples above: Yes, huge hassle and time suck around the credit card calls. And yet....I am fortunate enough to have the financial security to even have a credit card which I will use to take a lovely vacation! And the weather: I am fortunate enough to live in the Pacific Northwest, one of the most beautiful, lush, green, vibrant areas of our country. To get all that, a little rain's gonna fall. And the smoke? I'm fortunate enough to be retired, to have the option of staying in and keeping myself safer from the harmful effects of breathing smoky air.
As yogis we have the tools of concentration, breath, silence, and lovingkindness meditation to see us through the hard times. Attitude adjustments and gratitude practices work wonders when you find yourself in a complaint cycle. Try it next time and leave complaining behind. ©
Namaste, donnajurene
