BREATHING THROUGH PROCRASTINATION

Taking yoga teacher training has reminded me of my tendency to procrastinate.  When I mentioned this to Karen, she immediately helped reframe my accompanying self-flagellation tendencies by pointing out the "power of procrastination".  She said you can literally feel the POWER building and building and building until you know you just have to ACT!  It may be that you even decide to stay up until midnight to tackle the task, but you DO IT!  YAY!

This is a most positive way to look at putting off my homework until the last minute.  Love it!  It's a POWER MOVE! 

It's especially helpful since this month's homework is breathing.  One really should NOT procrastinate this task.  Breathing is sorta important.  And usually automatic, but not in the way we've been assigned to breathe this month.  

We are practicing Pranayama.  It's a very specific breath practice which enhances our concentration and regulates our energy and emotions as we practice yoga...or life.

When breathing happens automatically it comes from the lower brainstem, which initiates and controls our unconscious breath.  But we can override this automatic breath by consciously breathing in a different pattern.  If we are angry or agitated our breath is shallow and fast; we can calm these emotions by consciously slowing and deepening the breath and soon our very emotions are changed.  Magic!

There are so many ways to control the breath.  We are starting by experimenting with our "threshold" -- how many inhales and exhales we do comfortably.  Then we are asked to increase on each side of the inhale and exhale to find our comfortable maximum threshold.  Then we are asked to inhale, hold for as many counts as is comfortable, then exhale and hold for a few counts again...all the while monitoring for comfort and ease.  Once this threshold is mastered, we can begin to experiment with a number of interesting ways to breathe, hold, switch nostrils (one closed, the other open), and on and on in a variety of practices that can help us consciously choose a breathing pattern that is of best benefit at any given time.  

I have a wee little anxiety disorder that is mostly always under control, but sometimes does a big freak out.  I've learned the very basic pranayama practice of inhaling a deep belly breath, holding for just one beat, then exhaling for at least two or three beats longer than inhale.  It sometimes takes several rounds for me to regulate my seeming "need" to breath as if a lion was chasing me, but eventually I am able to calm those irrational fears with just my breath.  It's such a relief to have this little tool at the ready whenever I need it.

So if this is so great, why am I procrastinating?  Because learning any new skill is not easy.  I've got that first one down, but there are others that are more complex and just following the instructions gets me confused.  Also I start to hyperventilate.  And then I want to give up.  So I do.  Until I go back to it and try again.  And the pattern repeats.  

I am sure eventually I will find the Pranayama practices that work for me.  But to do that, I must explore them all, learning their rhythms, their purposes, their joys, and their challenges.  Just like asana practice:  How do you know you like Child's Pose better than Pigeon Pose until you've tried them both?

So, the Power of Procrastination is building in me and causing some short shallow breaths as I see the calendar days passing by until our next class when I will need to report on my progress with Pranayama.  I will take a deep, cleansing breath now and open my notebook.  I will take one practice at a time, doing three a day, until I've covered them all.  I will override my unconscious breathing for brief periods to see what I can do with purposeful breath selection. In this way I will get my homework done...and learn more about myself in the process.   Ahhh....Breathe....©

Namaste, donnajurene

Photo Credit:  www.classroomclipart.com

INTREPID EXPLORERS

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2019 hit this past week, just in time for our Weekend Intensive Yoga Teacher Training.   The monthly schedule is 3 hours Thursday night, and 8 hours on Friday and Saturday,  ending with 8-1/2 hours on Sunday at every Weekend Intensive.  It is not a residential training.  We all commute, from a few blocks to 30 miles or more.  So the idea of a ton of snow falling on local roadways in the usually mild and wet, but not icy and snowy, Northwest was daunting.

On Thursday night we had a long discussion of what we should do, with a big storm to hit on Friday. (Round 2 after snow earlier in the week as well).  We couldn't agree on any doable rescheduling dates, so we decided to forge ahead.  Some found local places to stay for the duration thanks to the generosity and kindness of sister-students, and some braved the commute.

As it turned out, everyone showed up every day!  (Except one student who was ill and stayed home on Sunday, but "Zoomed" in online.)   As each student entered the teaching space, stomping boots and shaking off snow, she was met with a hearty cheer and a round of applause.  We were all so happy to see each other, when virtually every other community event and even places of business and government offices were closed for the duration.  Intrepid Yoginis!

I was fortunate enough to snag a cozy guest room of one of the instructors and settled in Friday night, held in warmth and healing after having had an emotionally challenging week.  On top of that, the whole snow thing filled me with commuter anxiety since I live on a hill that I'd likely not be able to easily navigate in the storm, so I was filled with gratitude for the great good fortune to be able to ride out the storm surrounded by love, laughter, lively conversations, heaping helpings of pasta and rich dark chocolate!

And what does any of this have to do with Yoga Training?  A lot, actually.  As we were winding down on Sunday, I apologized to another student about my "constant whining about the weather all weekend".  She looked at me quizzically and said, "You didn't whine."  I didn't?

I realized the swirling anxiety about the snow and my commute (which I didn't even do!) and concerns about getting home on Sunday had been a constant background noise in my head all weekend, even if I didn't express it out loud.  It was such a racket internally, that I was convinced I'd been complaining and worrying in every conversation I'd had.  Not true, apparently.

I also ended up with a nauseating migraine that I dealt with all day Saturday and Sunday and I wonder if the internal swirling mind stress, focused attention on learning, and being out of my familiar surroundings at home was a factor in that.   Probably.

I was most at peace during times of meditation, Sutra study, and chant.   I enjoyed moving my body too, but learning the poses from a teaching perspective and learning the anatomical underpinnings of each pose are more challenging for me at this juncture, taking me out of a calm state to one of "stress", as is typical when learning a new skill.

We all agree that at the end of each weekend training we are exhausted.  The added weather challenges this time likely contributed to that feeling.  Yet, I learned that the thoughts in my head (and my headache) were ruling my emotions to a great degree and leaving me spent too.  The purpose of Yoga is to calm the fluctuations of the mind.  I had ample opportunity to practice, with only limited 'success'.  But awareness is Yoga too and my "Seer" inside reminded me several times that I was not in the "Now" but in the future with my fretting.

Maybe I'm not yet able to consistently identify anterior and posterior pelvic tilts in a practitioner's pose, but I got a big lesson in mindfulness, self-awareness, gratitude, and letting go.   Looking forward to our March training for more lessons on the Yogic path.

Namaste,  donnajurene