Yep, that's about right. That's about when I vaguely recall standing in a doctor's office with my mom staring at x-rays hanging in front of the lightbox, the doctor explaining to my mother why my right hip was so much more pronounced than my left. He didn't explain to me why my body was this way, or what could be done about it. I just remember feeling like there was something weird and wrong with me -- pretty much how adolescents feel about everything, I suppose. I do recall being a little frightened by this structural anomaly.
I am lucky. My scoliosis did not worsen and it has not caused me chronic pain or obvious deformity. My guess is most people can't tell by looking at me. And I've learned to live with it and compensate for it. My mother was a crackerjack seamstress and she would sew most of the skirts and pants to add the extra inch or two on the right side to make the hem hang evenly. When buying clothes I choose those that aren't too obviously "crooked" on my body. I notice that when I think I'm standing up (or even sitting up) perfectly straight, a glance in the mirror tells me that what feels "straight" to me is actually a tilt to the left, my right shoulder raised and right hip jutting out a bit. I straighten my stance and feel like I'm tipping over.
Since practicing Yoga I notice my scoliosis every time I step on the mat. I practice in Staff Pose and Mountain Pose what it feels like to really stand up straight -- to lower that right shoulder and level both hips. I notice that the left side of my body is so much more flexible than my right -- I can bend and twist with a far greater range of motion on the left. Even balance poses are different from one side to there other. I will admit this frustrates me at times -- a person who loves symmetry.
Maybe this awareness causes me to be ever-conscious of wanting to be in proper alignment. I can't see my own body when in asana, so I'm not sure, relying on our teachers at Yoga Circle to help me with alignment. For me, it's not just wanting to get the pose "right" (I can let go of that kind of perfectionism), but wanting my body to learn what it feels like to be "straight", to know my skeleton is doing all it can to support me to the best of its ability, given that crazy curve I've lived with since I was twelve years old, wondering what this thing called "scoliosis" would mean for me.
It has meant, all these many, many, many years later that my body has humbled me, but not really betrayed me after all. Practicing Yoga has allowed me to be aware of my imperfection in a way that brings acceptance (grudgingly at times) to the asymmetrical aspects of my practice. There will always be poses that challenge me because of this condition; differences that show up on the mat from one side of my body to the other.
As always, Yoga is there to teach that no matter what we live with, we can use calm focused attention and slight, effective adjustments to bring awareness to our reality. Instead of being angry and sad and deciding "I can't", most days I try to practice saying to my curvy spine, "Hello, old friend….let's just do the best we can today, OK?" And I remember to be grateful for the gift of awareness, strength, and healing that is Yoga. ©
Namaste...donnajurene
Photo Credit: http://clipart-library.com/clipart/202843.htm
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