DANCING WITH DEPRESSION

I've been stressed this month.  Working on a big project, enduring a second round of sinus/flu/cold symptoms, adult son moving out on his own -- again -- which is as it should be, but he's a joy and I miss him.  Also,  I've been feeling the pull of my old nemesis, depression.

The Black Hole beckons.  Dealing for years and years with periodic episodes of "dark nights of the soul" has been a challenge and one I've met with determination and courage, if I do say so myself.  I've learned to see it coming and to pull the right "tools" from my large toolbox of self-help knowledge to mitigate the Monster.  I might dance at the edge of the hole, but I rarely fall in.  Still, it takes a fair amount of energy to do the dance.

Two of my tools, among the best, are yoga and meditation.  Of course, with the illness I've been fighting all month, coupled with this 6-week long project, I've been more hit and miss with my practices than is beneficial.  Catch 22.  What I need most is what I've let slip.

So, yesterday I was determined to get to the studio.   Elizabeth started with us lying on our backs, breathing and putting awareness on how our bodies felt lying on the floor.  Where did we touch, where did we not?  Where was there more pressure, or less?  She then led us through a creative series of stretches, of tension and release of muscles, of strength and balance, of coupling each movement with our breath.  It was just what I needed.  When it was time for Savasana, she reminded us that this is often when our minds will dart from thought to thought, like a Monkey swinging through the Rain Forest canopy.  Without asana to focus on, our thoughts come to the forefront again.  She encouraged us to be aware of this, then to just let the thoughts drift away.

What surprised me was that my thoughts were different from usual.  The "to do" lists were gone, the feelings of overwhelm and sadness were gone, the frustrations and confusions were gone.  Instead, as I lay breathing and resting, I realized I was having thoughts of my favorite things -- sitting under a palm tree on my favorite Hawaiian beach, browsing through a bookstore I love, watching the birds at my front yard feeder, my family gathered 'round the dining room table, sitting in a coffeeshop with my husband, laughing with my friends.

I realized this is a new tool, breathing and actively visualizing those places, people, and events that bring me joy.  I felt my meditation deepen and when I left class I felt renewed, reminded of the many blessings in my life.  I went home to join my husband working in the garden, blessed by a warm spring day and the promise of a bountiful harvest.   My dance had become one of joy. ©

Namaste,   donnajurene

Photo Credit:  Konstantynov@rf123.com

BOYS & GIRLS, LET'S TALK ABOUT YOGA

Is Yoga mostly just for girls?  You would think so if you look around the typical Yoga studio.  I read in a Huffington Post article ("The Real Reason Yoga is Still Dominated by Women" by Carolyn Gregoire 12.26.13) that women students make up 60% of Yoga classes.  How did this happen?

Historically (like a way long time ago in a land far, far away), Yoga's roots came from an Indian tradition that was completely male-dominated.  Women were forbidden to practice.  Then along came a brave soul or two of the female persuasion, and a Yogi or two who agreed to teach them, and women slowly became more accepted into the fold.

When Yoga came to the west, women flourished in the practice.  Today (look around!) women seem to be the face (and body) of Yoga.  Gregoire posits in her article that this is partly due to merchandising and the commercialization of Yoga.  It's big business, folks, and a glance through Yoga Journal confirms the stereotype that young, slim, strong, tall, flexible female bodies are the ideal of the practice.  Seldom does the media show bodies that are overweight, out of shape, or aging in a typical way -- if these "imperfections" are shown, they are still shown in the ideal -- a hunky guy, a larger person of surprising flexibility, or an atypically youthful-looking elder.  No one seems to be struggling with body image or stiff muscles and joints.

I agree that Yoga can keep an imperfect body functioning in a healthy way -- it's part of the reason I love asana practice -- but to push an ideal image that effectively eliminates those of imperfect physical stature or even an entire half of the population due to gender bias, is just wrong.

The article says guys also don't like the "New Age-y", "touchy-feely" aspects of Yoga.  It's just not macho.  It's wimpy exercise for girls.  Plus their bodies are less flexible in some ways and they just can't do it as easily, so Ego shows up on the mat which is then quickly rolled up and stowed on a shelf in the garage.

Sad, huh?  I love it when guys come to Yoga Circle.  I love it when they are willing to be vulnerable enough to move awkwardly at first and challenge themselves to find a way to strength, flexibility, physical and emotional health that is "non-traditional".  Yay guys!

I also love that strong, committed women have taken Yoga "off the mat" and into the world, showing us that Yoga is both a contemplative practice and a way into world-changing activism.  Not long ago I watched "Yogawoman", a DVD about the history and influence of women on Yoga, many of whom are renowned practitioners today, taking Yoga beyond the studio.  http://www.yogawoman.tv  I felt proud, even though my practice primarily takes place in my living room and at this sweet small-town studio at Yoga Circle.  I feel part of something bigger, ancient, vital, and strong.

Women and men...Yoga is for everyone, everywhere!  ©

Namaste,  donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_crazysub'>crazysub / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

AT HOME ON THE MAT

My oh my.  I've been so busy with a big project for my church!  I'm on the Steering Committee for our annual Stewardship Pledge Drive.  My husband is the Chairperson, so I'm also the "woman behind (actually "next to") the man" as we both work on every aspect of this thing together.  We've hosted three big dinners at our home as well as working with others to create a whole new campaign this year, with lots of moving parts and creative ideas that involve technology!  Yes!  21st Century here we come!  Our Unitarian Universalist Fellowship receives no funding from a "Mothership" denominational pot of gold; our entire budget is funded by our members, so it's a big deal to try to raise the pledges to support us from a very diverse economic base of membership.

What does any of this have to do with Yoga?  Mostly that I've been so busy with meetings and deadlines and hosting that my practice has been very sporadic.  I not only feel guilty, I feel stiff, sore, and clumsy.

I was grateful to find a hole in my schedule on Tuesday so I could come to class.  I was looking forward to an energetic practice in a room full of people who could jazz me up since I felt I was falling into a bit of a "too busy" funk and my energy was seriously waning.

What I found instead was an abnormally small class and the suggestion that we mostly do a restorative, gentle, meditative practice.  I resisted this at first.  It was hard to stop the flow of thoughts, the constant visions of "to do" lists, the impatience to just get on with it and get back to my tasks at home.

Finally, I focused on the music.  I don't know what the playlist was, but I found it to be so soothing and relaxing.  Music is so important to my practice.  It sets a tone, gives me a focal point, allows my mind to settle.  I was able to lean into the gentle stretches, the periods of quiet meditation, the slow in and out of my breath.  There were times when I wondered if I was drifting asleep, but it was more like a deep letting go of tension, of drifting into a wakeful thought-free space that opened before me like a vast Universe of peace.

At one point, as I knelt in Child's Pose, tears fell from my eyes.  I prevented myself from audible sobbing, but I was so grateful for this emotional release of the tension and stress of the past few weeks.   I was so grateful for my Yoga practice, for the safety of a skilled teacher, the energy of shared calm elicited in all of us by our restorative poses and measured breathing, the beauty of the studio, the opportunity to work hard at a task that supports a community of spiritual seekers at my church and the gift of finding my way home to my 24" x 72" mat just when I needed it most.

Yoga is not just about exercising.©

Namaste,  donnajurene

Photo Credit: tamarabaleika©123RF