DANCING WITH DEPRESSION

I've been stressed this month.  Working on a big project, enduring a second round of sinus/flu/cold symptoms, adult son moving out on his own -- again -- which is as it should be, but he's a joy and I miss him.  Also,  I've been feeling the pull of my old nemesis, depression.

The Black Hole beckons.  Dealing for years and years with periodic episodes of "dark nights of the soul" has been a challenge and one I've met with determination and courage, if I do say so myself.  I've learned to see it coming and to pull the right "tools" from my large toolbox of self-help knowledge to mitigate the Monster.  I might dance at the edge of the hole, but I rarely fall in.  Still, it takes a fair amount of energy to do the dance.

Two of my tools, among the best, are yoga and meditation.  Of course, with the illness I've been fighting all month, coupled with this 6-week long project, I've been more hit and miss with my practices than is beneficial.  Catch 22.  What I need most is what I've let slip.

So, yesterday I was determined to get to the studio.   Elizabeth started with us lying on our backs, breathing and putting awareness on how our bodies felt lying on the floor.  Where did we touch, where did we not?  Where was there more pressure, or less?  She then led us through a creative series of stretches, of tension and release of muscles, of strength and balance, of coupling each movement with our breath.  It was just what I needed.  When it was time for Savasana, she reminded us that this is often when our minds will dart from thought to thought, like a Monkey swinging through the Rain Forest canopy.  Without asana to focus on, our thoughts come to the forefront again.  She encouraged us to be aware of this, then to just let the thoughts drift away.

What surprised me was that my thoughts were different from usual.  The "to do" lists were gone, the feelings of overwhelm and sadness were gone, the frustrations and confusions were gone.  Instead, as I lay breathing and resting, I realized I was having thoughts of my favorite things -- sitting under a palm tree on my favorite Hawaiian beach, browsing through a bookstore I love, watching the birds at my front yard feeder, my family gathered 'round the dining room table, sitting in a coffeeshop with my husband, laughing with my friends.

I realized this is a new tool, breathing and actively visualizing those places, people, and events that bring me joy.  I felt my meditation deepen and when I left class I felt renewed, reminded of the many blessings in my life.  I went home to join my husband working in the garden, blessed by a warm spring day and the promise of a bountiful harvest.   My dance had become one of joy. ©

Namaste,   donnajurene

Photo Credit:  Konstantynov@rf123.com