TEARS OF THE HEART

Here we go again!  I seem to write a lot about crying in yoga class.  I think it's a good thing, really.  It means something is getting shaken loose on an emotional level.  One of the things I LOVE about yoga is that it is not just an exercise for the body.  As our teacher, Elizabeth, said in class last week, "Yoga is a reflection of life."  We strive, we back off, we ache, we heal, we work, we rest, we love, we feel anger, frustration, and disappointment.  All of it is welcome on the mat.  And we are reminded over and over -- again, taking to heart Elizabeth's wise words -- "We are not our thoughts."  We are so much bigger, so much more, than the Monkey Mind that rules our lives and sends our nervous system into orbit with strong emotions and a continuing cycle of thought, emotion, thought, emotion that sometimes accumulates to our detriment.

Take me last week, for instance.  I've already been a bit on the stressed side from a life that feels too busy and too chaotic due to a number of issues and situations that are all potentially good.  But... ya know how you have to break a lot of eggs to make an omelette?  Well, I'm swimming in raw egg lately.  Wet, sticky, gooey, and not particularly healthy until "cooked".  Add to that the usual bit of angst around the state of our world, which recently found focus in the Orlando shootings.  Once again, everybody had an opinion about guns.  I voiced mine on a friend's Facebook post and was immediately "shot down" by a woman who vehemently disagreed with my stance and invited me to shut the heck up since I was obviously no "expert" about the topic.  Sheesh!

Since I had this exchange just before class, I spent the whole drive to the studio perseverating about my angst, anger, hopelessness, anger, anger, anger....  did I say anger?  By the time I walked in the door and was greeted by Elizabeth, I had tears in my eyes.  It didn't take much for her to realize that when I said I was "OK" in reply to her "How are you today?", I really wasn't.  She immediately put her hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes and grounded me in the moment, reminding me that the exchange was in the past and all that was happening now was that my nervous system was in overdrive.  She promised yoga would help.

It did.  With deep breathing, focus, reminders about our true natures as beings beyond this experience, I felt by the end of class a huge relief and got a big "a-ha".  Fear.  We are all acting out of fear.  I fear gun violence, not just at the hands of the "bad guys", but through accidental shooting, suicide, and just plain easy availability as a problem solving tool for some.  My nemesis on Facebook is also afraid of gun violence, but her response is to arm herself and be ready to defend herself and her loved ones with her own weapon.  Fear is the common denominator.  I don't know if we can find common ground on how to address this difference in response, but I do know that on the mat I was able to put her outburst toward me in perspective.  We are both afraid.   When I realized the common emotion we share, tears sprang into my eyes again -- this time tears of compassion for her, for me, for all of us in the struggle to survive and thrive in this life.

I've read that tears vary in chemical composition depending upon the emotion which elicited them.  My anger tears had turned into compassion tears.  If I had a microscope, it would have been interesting to see if there were daggers in the former and hearts in the latter.  That's how I picture them in my head.  More often than not, yoga gets me to a place of compassion for myself and others, with me often giving in to tears of the heart.

Namaste,  donnajurene

Photo Credit:  clipart-library.com