NOW BEGINS THE STUDY OF YOGA....

The first Yoga Sutra lays it right out there...."now begins the study of Yoga".  And you might think the next Sutra will show you how to do a perfect Pigeon Pose. Au contraire!  Asana is barely mentioned in the Sutras.  It's all about how to still the fluctuations of the mind.  In ancient Indian times, Yoga was about the spirit.  Ayurveda was about the body.

My true study of yoga began on January 10, 2019 when I stepped into the first session of a 200 hour yoga teacher training, taking coursework toward my registered yoga teacher certification.  I completed that course yesterday, July 30, 2019.

It was a journey I never expected; a path that challenged and surprised me.  I was overwhelmed at times, joyful and curious at times, sad at times, exhausted a lot of the time, unsure, unsteady, and doubtful any of it would lead to anything but time and money spent on something I'd soon ignore.

Um...shows you how much the Ego knows!  I'm still processing where this path has led me, but I know in my bones (anatomy!) that I am changed.  I did not go into this a complete novice.  I've practiced yoga for 11 years, I've meditated for almost as long (sporadically), I've done lots of reading and chanting and hanging out with people who share the spirit of Yoga.  Yet, this deep dive has been the unifying force I needed to bring it all under one umbrella.

In addition, my adult-life passion for personal growth work has been expanded exponentially.  I get it all now, not just on a psychological level, but a spiritual one.  It feels like a clean slate, like heaviness has been lifted and Light is shining in.

And I've made new friends of all ages.  When one reaches a certain age, it is harder and harder to meet and become friends with people.  Well, that has been my experience.  I'm not in the paid workforce; I don't attend a church; my PTA days are behind me; I am cordial with my neighbors but we mostly wave and chat briefly when we see each other.  I am involved in politics, but that is a one-topic "friendship" for the most part.  But in this yoga training we were all in the trenches together, no one person more skilled, more confident, more knowledgable than the next.  We supported each other, cheered each other on, held each other in vulnerability and in joy, shared about our families, our lives.  What a surprise!  I didn't anticipate finding this in the training.

Our teachers/mentors were unfailingly supportive as well.   With wisdom, knowledge, experience, humor, and empathy we were led on a journey of discovery and learning.  It wasn't easy.  The monthly intensive weekends, and the culminating 4 day Learning Retreat, were truly intense.  I went home exhausted.  We had textbooks and homework.  If we missed a session we had to make it up on our own dime with a private session.  Homework was due on time and evaluated.  We didn't receive a grade per se, but we needed to demonstrate proficiency and complete all the required hours and assignments.

Going into it, I thought I'd take the course to deepen my own practice.  I thought I'd challenge this sometimes lazy brain with new learning and knowledge.  I thought it might be sorta fun.

It was all of that....and indescribably more.  I feel eager to continue to study, to prioritize the many aspects of yoga and incorporate them in all I do, and to (dare I say it?)....teach!

I don't know where or when or how I will manifest the teaching goal, but unlike the first time I stepped up to teach part of a practice in class, unsteady and unsure, I am now (with some thought and preparation) confident I have something to offer others and sharing what Yoga can give us motivates me to try.

For those of you who may be interested, I believe this course will be offered again in 2020.  Just. Do. It.

Namaste, donnajurene
Photo: Me and my certificate with our instructor Elizabeth Gray at the Family & Friends "Grad" Party.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

YOWZA!  Time is on hyperspeed!  I'm just writing my first July blog post on nearly the eve of August!

I have a good excuse.  This is the last month of my yoga teacher training course.  I had to write a research paper and develop an asana practice to go along with it.  I had a 3-page, multi-part take-home final to complete.  I had to rehearse the abbreviated asana practice from my research that I will be required to teach to the entire class and the instructors at the 5-day culminating yoga training retreat that begins today.

I just did a run-through, again, of my teaching practice.  I'm generally not at all nervous about talking to crowds, which is weird for an introvert such as myself, but I find it much easier than making small talk at a party one on one.  Anyway, having talked to some of my sister yoginis, I realize we are all a bit nervous.  This is it.  We are teachers, teaching.  Gulp.  I even mentioned to one of our instructors that I hoped I didn't screw this up.  She very gently looked me in the eye and said, "And what if you do?"  Is being perfect what yoga is about?  Is our Ego what needs to shine?

She called me again to the real practice of yoga....that elusive idea that we are not the Ego.  We are deeper and more Universal than that.  We are the "Observer" who watches the Ego self act in the world, worried about performance, or whether our friends like us, or how much we weigh, or what kind of car we should buy....all the cares of the material world that take up our attention, cause us stress, and give us a stomachache come not from the vastness of the True Self, but from the human self Ego construct.

In Yoga talk, the Sanskrit word for the "me" I think I am is Prakriti.  It is the big sack of history we carry on our backs everywhere we go filled with our DNA, our life experiences, our thoughts, traumas, religion, joys, angers, hurts, relationships, etc.  These are the things we think we are.

But guess what?!?  We are not those things.  Oh, our human life is made up of those things; our consciousness attends to those things; we do live in the material world and must deal with these material concerns.  But mindfulness calls us to know that beyond these concerns we can find Purusha, Pure Awareness.  This Awareness is our Inner Observer -- that which lives within and outside the everyday consciousness.

Being able to tap into this Purusha allows us to put down the sack and find inner calm, inner peace, relief.  It definitely takes practice.  Yoga is that practice.  The poses and the breathing are all designed to help us find a quiet place inside -- what many call meditation.  And sometimes I find that peace in a sitting meditation.

What's more miraculous to me is finding it in the midst of the Prakriti noise.  Sometimes I can mentally step back from all that's going on around me, and find myself observing it all as if from afar.  At these moments I realize that the still, quiet "Self" inside is the real deal, the unchanging essence of "me".  That outer "me" is just a noisy, stressful, impermanent, worrisome jangle of experiences that come and go, come and go.

So this weekend I will be called upon at some point to lead and to teach.  I will take a deep breath and step forward, my outer Ego self probably still hoping to do well, and my Inner Self knowing that how I "do" has no bearing whatsoever on the "being" of me.

May we all find our Purusha and find peace.

Namaste, donnajurene