NON-ATTACHMENT

In my study of yoga, mindfulness, and Buddhism one theme repeats throughout -- non-attachment.  What does this mean?

Well, we make plans and plans often go awry.  How do we respond?  For me, it's usually with frustration, disappointment, even grief.  I want things to go the way I expect them to go!  Otherwise why even try?  Why plan, organize, and put forth effort if we have no control over the outcome? The heck with it, right?  Wrong.

Remember in the last post I said I got lost in my Prakriti -- that big bag of life experience we carry on our backs that we erroneously think is the real us?  This is the place of habits.

We have a certain way of doing things.  We always do them that way.  They are habits of thought and action that are often repeated without intention or thought.  We put our shirt on before our pants; we brush our teeth before we wash our face; we drive to work on auto-pilot; we eat that extra cookie; we worry about our weight; we rise up from a forward fold arms sweeping up from our sides to reach over our heads in exactly the same way every single time; we expect people to be predictable, etc.

These habits form "grooves" in our brain.  We act without true intention; without thinking.  The Sanskrit word for this is "Samskara" -- the endless chatter in our minds; the repetitive habits of our actions.

To interrupt these habits, which can be unconscious and limiting, we must practice relentlessly.  What does this mean?  It means practicing mindfulness.  It means whenever you find yourself in a familiar thought or action pattern -- or Samskara "groove"--  we consciously replace it with a new, more helpful thought or action, or Vairagya.  This unrelenting practice of awareness is called Abhyasa.

Every morning I get up and pour my cup of coffee and make a slice of whole wheat toast with butter and jam.  Every morning, without fail.  This is what I do.  I like it.  I don't even stop to think if this is what I really want, if it's good for me, it's just what I do.  (Samskara)  But lately I've decided that may not be the best and most nutritious breakfast for me.  I'm noticing I don't feel great after this breakfast.  What would happen if instead I prepared a cup of Auyvedic herbal tea and a small bowl of oatmeal?  That might help calm my tummy issues, provide me with more nutrition, and help me lose a little weight.  But that breakfast just doesn't feel right!!!  Until I get into the new groove -- Vairagya.

Will this solve my digestive problem?  Well, it might.  Or it might not.  The new "groove" also becomes a Samskara if I don't continue to practice Abhyasa -- the unrelenting practice of being in the present moment.  The present moment might find me feeling better or it might not.  I must practice non-attachment to the outcome of my practice!  I must find a "no groove" place where each moment is new and each thought or action is meant to be noticed in this moment, not with an eye to the past that no longer exists nor to the future that will never come.  I have to keep practicing.

This is all so confusing, isn't it?  We Westerners of the rugged independence ilk, who value hard work and goal-setting to achieve our desired outcome have a hard time letting go of attachment to that work and the outcome we want.  Yet how often do we stay in a state of repetition, of a swirling mind that never stops, of habits that have long outlived their usefulness?

This state of Samskara can only be interrupted with intentional noticing.  We can then make intentional changes.  And then we practice noticing that!  And we practice some more with more noticing and then maybe we make more changes.  We are not really trying to find the perfect outcome.  We are only practicing awareness of the present moment.  And really, the present moment is all we have, the only real thing, and our attention to it is the point.

I get that this is a hard concept.  I am only now finding a glimmer of understanding of it with my second course of Yoga Sutra study and a revisit to some Buddhist and Hindu teachings.  I find it challenging and also freeing to realize that I can't control anything, really.  I can only be present to this moment and trust that I can notice and take action that serves me in the now.

Give it a try. Notice a habit of your own or a thought pattern that drives you crazy.  Get quiet and take note.  Really notice what you are doing and thinking.  No judgement.  Then do or think something more helpful, if that is appropriate.  Just for now.  Don't get caught thinking this will solve or change anything, even though it might.  Just notice and make a change.  See how that feels.

Samskara is the old, maybe not useful, groove.
Abhyasa is the unrelenting practice of awareness.
Vairagya is the new groove to try on.
Non-attachement is no groove at all.  Just be here now.

Have fun exploring!©
Namaste,  donnajurene

Thanks to Elizabeth Gray at YCS for her wisdom and teaching of the Yoga Sutras.  Hope I got some of this information almost right.  I'm not attached.  LOL

I FORGOT

Well.  Humility comes in all sizes.  I got a huge dose recently.

Oh yes, I did the yoga teacher training and was feeling pretty proud; pretty confident; pretty, you know, special.  LOL   I learned all about Asana (the poses), Sutra (the philosophy), Pranayama (the breathing) and Anatomy (the body).  I learned first and foremost that yoga isn't about poses, it's about calming the fluctuations of the mind. Everything we do is in service to that outcome.  I know that!

I know about Prakriti -- the big bag of "ego", what we identify with, our roles and thoughts, past and present experiences, etc.  And I know about Purusha -- the unchanging pure awareness that is our true Self.

And I know that if we don't still the mind we grow confused and come to believe we are the fluctuations of the mind -- that all those things that change and evolve and disappear over time are really"us"; really important, really real.

Well, as a spiritual being in a human body I am also of the opinion that we do experience all those things as real as our default.  How could we not?  We have to learn about the higher Self that observes the craziness.  And sometimes we forget.  Sometimes Prakriti grows so big and bold and heavy and all consuming that there is no room for any notion of a higher Self, an observer.

That happened to me recently, right after graduating from my teacher training.  I forgot everything and I abandoned all I knew, all I had learned, and fell into full immersion in a personal/relationship situation that blew the doors off my yoga practice.  I cried through a couple of yoga classes and stopped going for awhile; I forgot my diaphragmatic breathing;  I couldn't even begin to access the wisdom of the Sutras; and my body, oh my poor body, was flooded with cortisol (the stress hormone) for about 2 straight weeks -- my sympathetic nervous system in Fight, Flight, Freeze mode every minute of the day and night.  I didn't sleep much.  I lost weight. (Always a happy side effect of trauma!)  I saw no end in sight.

But to my credit, I never give up.  I read.  I researched.  I got support.  I talked and talked and talked to the person I had the issue with.  We eventually found common ground and while that ground may still be a bit shaky, it's solid enough not to fall over right now.

Yesterday I went to the first class of the Sutra series at Yoga Circle and to my delight found five of my yogini teacher training friends there too.  We had all come back to learn more from our guru, Elizabeth.  I went to her gentle yoga class this morning too and realized I was finding my way back on the path of calming the fluctuations of the mind -- the true purpose of Yoga.

With repeated study, reminders, exposure to the amazing wonders of yoga, I trust that I won't be thrown so far afield next time this human life gives me a challenge.  Because, life is hard.  Thankfully the  antidote is simple, if not always easy.  We just have to remember to use it.

Namaste, donnajurene

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