I FORGOT

Well.  Humility comes in all sizes.  I got a huge dose recently.

Oh yes, I did the yoga teacher training and was feeling pretty proud; pretty confident; pretty, you know, special.  LOL   I learned all about Asana (the poses), Sutra (the philosophy), Pranayama (the breathing) and Anatomy (the body).  I learned first and foremost that yoga isn't about poses, it's about calming the fluctuations of the mind. Everything we do is in service to that outcome.  I know that!

I know about Prakriti -- the big bag of "ego", what we identify with, our roles and thoughts, past and present experiences, etc.  And I know about Purusha -- the unchanging pure awareness that is our true Self.

And I know that if we don't still the mind we grow confused and come to believe we are the fluctuations of the mind -- that all those things that change and evolve and disappear over time are really"us"; really important, really real.

Well, as a spiritual being in a human body I am also of the opinion that we do experience all those things as real as our default.  How could we not?  We have to learn about the higher Self that observes the craziness.  And sometimes we forget.  Sometimes Prakriti grows so big and bold and heavy and all consuming that there is no room for any notion of a higher Self, an observer.

That happened to me recently, right after graduating from my teacher training.  I forgot everything and I abandoned all I knew, all I had learned, and fell into full immersion in a personal/relationship situation that blew the doors off my yoga practice.  I cried through a couple of yoga classes and stopped going for awhile; I forgot my diaphragmatic breathing;  I couldn't even begin to access the wisdom of the Sutras; and my body, oh my poor body, was flooded with cortisol (the stress hormone) for about 2 straight weeks -- my sympathetic nervous system in Fight, Flight, Freeze mode every minute of the day and night.  I didn't sleep much.  I lost weight. (Always a happy side effect of trauma!)  I saw no end in sight.

But to my credit, I never give up.  I read.  I researched.  I got support.  I talked and talked and talked to the person I had the issue with.  We eventually found common ground and while that ground may still be a bit shaky, it's solid enough not to fall over right now.

Yesterday I went to the first class of the Sutra series at Yoga Circle and to my delight found five of my yogini teacher training friends there too.  We had all come back to learn more from our guru, Elizabeth.  I went to her gentle yoga class this morning too and realized I was finding my way back on the path of calming the fluctuations of the mind -- the true purpose of Yoga.

With repeated study, reminders, exposure to the amazing wonders of yoga, I trust that I won't be thrown so far afield next time this human life gives me a challenge.  Because, life is hard.  Thankfully the  antidote is simple, if not always easy.  We just have to remember to use it.

Namaste, donnajurene

Photo Credit:  www.pixabay.com