INTERNAL CONDITIONS: EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES

This is just a short little post about being an anxious human.  Maybe some of you can relate?  And if not, please find your yogic compassion (and laugh behind your hand.)

A few weeks ago I registered for a weekend workshop in Seattle with Gary Kraftsow.  He's the American guru of the Viniyoga tradition in which I was trained.  He's like three people back from me in the lineage, so you know, Great Uncle Gary!  Mostly I signed up to see him in person (I'm an old rock n' roll groupie and still sort of get giddy about being in the presence of people I admire.)  His workshop is summarized as:  "Hrydya Granthi Bhedanam -- Cutting the Knot of the Heart."  The idea is that we are attached to internal conditions and external circumstances, not seeing our true nature which keeps us in bondage to desire, action, and ignorance.  We will learn to untie these knots which will lead us to the psycho-energetics of transformation.  Whew!  I may be in way over my head here.

I actually sort of love this esoteric stuff and I've done many, many personal growth workshops in the Jungian "shadow" tradition, so I'm familiar with that tradition's jargon.  This one will be new to me but probably I'll sort of be able to follow it.  We'll see.

My more immediate concern (external circumstances) was where to sleep.  I could stay at my son and daughter-in-law's house while they are out of town (lonely).  I could commute (a hassle).  I wasn't sure how to find the venue, where to park, how to meet up with my friends (internal anxiety conditions).  And then at the last minute, two friends invited me to share a hotel room with them for the weekend and the relief I felt was immense.  I didn't have to find the venue alone, navigate unfamiliar Seattle streets alone, find scarce parking alone.  Yay!

One would assume that an adult woman such as myself with years of life experience would be so over this familiar "fear" of the unknown.  But au contraire!  Not me.  I still like the comforts of familiarity and find even the least adventuresome adventure to often be anxiety-producing.

What to do?  Well, I know that anxiety manifests in the sympathetic nervous system.  There is no lion chasing me, but still my heart rate ramps up and my breathing shallows.  To tame this monster all I have to do is get still and breathe, long exhales.  Yoga has given me my very best tool against the rising anxiety I used to feel acutely.  Now I just recognize it and start my belly breathing. 

So,  if breathing is the secret to untying those heart knots, I'll go to the head of the class.  I've had lots of practice.

Namaste, donnajurene