THE NEEDING SEASON

A FICTION BASED ON TWO REALITIES:

She'll be so glad when the holidays are over!  The whole thing exhausts her.  So much to do, never enough time.  She's so distracted she often run out on some errand without her coat!  Coats are such a bother anyway, trying to get her seatbelt fastened over all that bulk!  She guesses she could grab a lighter weight jacket, or her rain coat.  Crazy how everyone needs about five different weights of clothing in the Northwest!
     Shirley shuffled along Hewitt Avenue.  The air was turning cold, night was not far off and she heard a man on the corner talk about snow coming.  She pulled her sweater around her a little tighter.  She'd walked the entire length of Hewitt ten times that day.  Killing time.  Trying to keep warm…

He's getting so frustrated with shopping this year!  Toys are getting so expensive!  He must have made 20 trips to Toys R Us.  Every time he spent more than intended, but oh well.  Christmas only comes once a year and he doesn't want to disappoint the kids on Christmas morning.  The bills won't come in for a few weeks anyway.  Thank God for plastic!
     Carmin waited in line outside Santa's House on the first shopping day.  It was 7:00 a.m. and the doors didn't open until 9:00, but she knew she needed to get there early to get anything decent.  The good stuff went fast.  Donated toys were often broken or worn.  She spent Christmas Eve washing a dirty set of plastic play dishes last year -- a partial set.  She hoped to find a nice doll for Grace this year, but she knew she'd just have to take what she could get…

Of course there's also all the last minute shopping.  You know, those gifts you didn't intend to get, but you got one from them so now you feel obligated and there's always a last minute party invitation that requires a hostess gift.  Well, that's what the season is for, right?  Generosity and good will toward all!  Just like the Hallmark cards say!  She also sees so much she just can't resist for herself too!  And decorations!  So many cute things to make the house sparkle.  Oh, she loves Christmas -- so beautiful!
     The van was crowded.  They'd kept moving it, to avoid suspicion.  It was getting cold at night, too.  The social worker said all the shelters were full.  Christmas was coming, but they could hardly put up a tree in the van!  Bill had been out looking for work all day.  Cindy and the kids had gone to the park early that morning to play, sit, and wait.  Finally she saw the van coming.  Bill climbed out and handed her a sprig of holly.  He wasn't smiling.  She tied the holly to the antenna with a piece of string she'd found on the ground.  They watched the kids swing.  Maybe they'd come back here on Christmas morning.  There was a big tree in the park, all lit up.  There wouldn't be any presents, or much food, or a warm fire, but at least they were still together….

I tell you though, family is what Christmas is really about!  Even though they can sure be annoying!  Uncle Hal is so boring!  And can anyone bear  to eat one more of Aunt Helen's "amazing jello salads"?  And couldn't people just NOT watch sports all day on the holidays?  Sometimes he wishes he could just go off by myself.  Now that would really be a special holiday!
     Rosa sat in the dark, holding her baby, both of them crying.  How had this happened to her?  In Mexico she was a bank executive.  Here she was a fugitive.  She'd come to this country with her American husband, but after all the beatings at his hand she ran from him.  Now the immigration service was looking for her.  She was not legal; she'd be deported and her baby would go to her husband or into foster care.  She missed her family in Mexico City.  What would she do?  Her tears continued to fall…©
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We think of Christmas as the season of giving, but the season of giving never ends so long as the season of needing goes on and on and on.  I originally wrote this piece in 1991, based on stories I'd known of through the social service agency where I worked.  It's been published a couple of times since then and still, not so much has changed in 2014.

Thanks, Karen, for all the opportunities to contribute food and clothing at the studio this season to help those in our community and beyond.

May this holiday season be filled with blessings and generosity. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

COMPASSIONATE PIGEON

I really got frustrated with myself in class on Tuesday.  There is one series of poses we do occasionally, and when I say do, in my case I mean "attempt".  From Pigeon Pose we do a twist, where the idea is to grab hold of our leg bent up behind us….whatever.  I can't do it.  And I feel so klutzy and frustrated and sad and humbled when that happens.  Tuesday I was in full self-flagellation mode when Karen said, "It's also OK to rest on your elbows on the floor instead of having straight arms…."

Oh.  Well then.  I did a modified version of that pose just fine!  Why do we forget to take care, to modify, to honor our bodies and our own less than bend-y, stretch-y places?  Why are we so quick to be our own harshest critic -- whether on the mat, at work, in our relationships, or looking into the mirror?

I got my first copy of a new magazine subscription last week, the December issue of Mindful.  It's full of great articles; the cover story being about Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, and the revolutionary way he is coaching the team to success.  (Go Hawks!)  

The article that spoke to me this morning, though, is entitled: Try a Little Self-Kindness by Kristin Neff.  Ms. Neff contrasts self-esteem and self-compassion and explains how self-compassion is a practice that puts our humanity in harmony with others.  We all have times of pain and suffering.  Learning to be compassionate toward ourselves opens us to compassion for others.  

We also get to practice on ourselves that which we probably already offer to our friends -- support, encouragement, and positive regard.   If the person next to me on their mat is struggling with a pose, I don't lean over and whisper, "Wow, you suck.  Why can't you do that?  You've gotten out of shape and put on a few pounds, haven't you?  I bet you feel pretty embarrassed right now.  Sure, go ahead and cry.  You should feel bad.  In fact, maybe you should just give up and not come back."  Sounds silly, huh?  Have you ever treated yourself this way?  Unfortunately, I have.

Ms. Neff offers a three-part intervention when we start with the negative self-talk.  She says when we start to feel badly, we need to take a self-compassion break:   

1.  Put your hands over your heart (or another part of your body that feels nurturing -- belly, face, etc).  Pause, feel the warmth there.

2.  Breathe deeply in and out.

3.  Speak these words out loud or silently (or other words that have the same meaning for you)

"This is a moment of suffering; suffering is part of life; may I be kind to myself; may I give myself the compassion I need."

Here are the words that I think will work for me:

"Wow, I feel shitty right now.  Everyone feels like this at one time or another, I suppose.  I need to stop and be gentle with myself right now.  I'm going to smile at myself and be kind…as kind as I'd be to another person experiencing this."

I think I'll give this a try next time I start to hurt myself with my own self-judgements.  I will likely have ample opportunities to practice.  But practice makes perfect -- and if my compassion is perfected, it doesn't matter what else is still a work in progress.  (I'm lookin' at you Pigeon With a Twist…) ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_dimol'>dimol / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

FEED YOUR BRAIN

Well, here we are…the holiday season.  I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this whole extravaganza.  Love the lights, the music, the smiles.  Hate the work, worry, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and too much socializing -- which I basically don't like at any time of year, but usually I can mediate and manage my energy level and degree of attention I give to those activities.  Starting with Thanksgiving and right through to January 1st, however, this list of least favorite things to do seems to become mandatory.

My Yoga practice, my meditation practice, my jaunts on the treadmill all seem to fall to the bottom of my "to do" list -- even though I know they should be top priorities.  But when, exactly, will I do everything else????  Oh dear….I need another cookie.  (Add over-eating to the stress list.)

I have worked hard over the years to give myself permission to pull way back and, really, my self-imposed quest for perfection has become more in line with reality.  Still, there are certain expectations.  Family traditions that must not be left out, something to eat and drink when people show up, a gift here and there.

And maybe I could grab the vacuum and dust cloth and give everything the once over.  I did that this morning, then took a closer look at my hardwood floors and wondered when the last time they'd been really cleaned had been.  Out came the damp mop for most, then on my hands and knees for the kitchen.  I'm waiting for the floors to dry now, zipping through Facebook posts, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" playing on the stereo, with me counting the days until he shows up and wondering if I'll be ready.

I believe my Guardian Angel just took some pity on this stressed and frantic woman and plopped this link in my Newsfeed:  http://www.feelguide.com/2014/11/19/harvard-unveils-mri-study-proving-meditation-literally-rebuilds-the-brains-gray-matter-in-8-weeks/

If stress (like Christmas season craziness) causes our brains to atrophy, isn't it better to find a stress-free substitute, like meditation, to build that gray matter back up?  This is so encouraging!  And easy!  Well, it does take practice to quiet that Screaming Meemie who wants me to make another "to do" list and get moving on the next festive holiday task, but when I am quiet, I remember that all of this hub-bub is just a human creation.  We invented the whole "celebration" season, helped along by commercialism and someone else's idea of what we should be doing to be good parents, grandparents, hosts, and revelers.

Christians celebrate this month as that of Jesus' birth.  Pagans recall the "old times" of gods and goddess, the Solstice and return of light.  The joy of those events, and others, has nothing to do with elves, piles of gifts, home baked goodies, groaning sideboards, or even clean floors.  I keep forgetting that.

Let's get quiet.  Let's turn inward.  Let's give our stressed out brains a rest and give ourselves the gift of a brain that is always growing, ever strong, constantly adapting to what we "feed" it.  Let's feed it love and good will and a sense of peace this holiday season.  Could be the best gift of all. ©

Namaste...donnajurene

Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_i3alda'>i3alda / 123RF Stock Photo</a>