I really got frustrated with myself in class on Tuesday. There is one series of poses we do occasionally, and when I say do, in my case I mean "attempt". From Pigeon Pose we do a twist, where the idea is to grab hold of our leg bent up behind us….whatever. I can't do it. And I feel so klutzy and frustrated and sad and humbled when that happens. Tuesday I was in full self-flagellation mode when Karen said, "It's also OK to rest on your elbows on the floor instead of having straight arms…."
Oh. Well then. I did a modified version of that pose just fine! Why do we forget to take care, to modify, to honor our bodies and our own less than bend-y, stretch-y places? Why are we so quick to be our own harshest critic -- whether on the mat, at work, in our relationships, or looking into the mirror?
I got my first copy of a new magazine subscription last week, the December issue of Mindful. It's full of great articles; the cover story being about Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, and the revolutionary way he is coaching the team to success. (Go Hawks!)
The article that spoke to me this morning, though, is entitled: Try a Little Self-Kindness by Kristin Neff. Ms. Neff contrasts self-esteem and self-compassion and explains how self-compassion is a practice that puts our humanity in harmony with others. We all have times of pain and suffering. Learning to be compassionate toward ourselves opens us to compassion for others.
We also get to practice on ourselves that which we probably already offer to our friends -- support, encouragement, and positive regard. If the person next to me on their mat is struggling with a pose, I don't lean over and whisper, "Wow, you suck. Why can't you do that? You've gotten out of shape and put on a few pounds, haven't you? I bet you feel pretty embarrassed right now. Sure, go ahead and cry. You should feel bad. In fact, maybe you should just give up and not come back." Sounds silly, huh? Have you ever treated yourself this way? Unfortunately, I have.
Ms. Neff offers a three-part intervention when we start with the negative self-talk. She says when we start to feel badly, we need to take a self-compassion break:
1. Put your hands over your heart (or another part of your body that feels nurturing -- belly, face, etc). Pause, feel the warmth there.
2. Breathe deeply in and out.
3. Speak these words out loud or silently (or other words that have the same meaning for you)
"This is a moment of suffering; suffering is part of life; may I be kind to myself; may I give myself the compassion I need."
Here are the words that I think will work for me:
"Wow, I feel shitty right now. Everyone feels like this at one time or another, I suppose. I need to stop and be gentle with myself right now. I'm going to smile at myself and be kind…as kind as I'd be to another person experiencing this."
I think I'll give this a try next time I start to hurt myself with my own self-judgements. I will likely have ample opportunities to practice. But practice makes perfect -- and if my compassion is perfected, it doesn't matter what else is still a work in progress. (I'm lookin' at you Pigeon With a Twist…) ©
Namaste...donnajurene
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