PATELLA PANIC

Well, I was cursing my knees in class today.  I tried to be kind to myself; tried to be with what "is".  But this is annoying.  I can totally accept that there are certain advanced poses I cannot do -- likely will NEVER be able to do (or at least don't care enough to work at).  But when I know I can easily do a pose if only some creaky part of my body would cooperate...well, that exasperates me.

I am starting to admit my knees are uncooperative.  I have "Hero's Pose" envy when I see how effortlessly others just sit comfortably with their legs folded under their tushes.  I can last about 10 seconds in that position, then I'm reaching for a block to sit on.  It's been YEARS of practice and my knees still scream at me in that pose.

Today we did Anjaneyasana (it's called Alanasana in my Hatha Yoga Illustrated) -- Crescent Lunge.  The book says we actually did the "gentle version" with one knee on the ground (low lunge).  Well, that knee -- especially my left kneecap -- was not feeling the gentle.  It HURT!  I found my "edge" with an immediate "ouch" and backed off to just a knee on the ground at a 90 degree angle.  At first I was concerned -- wow!  What if I really hurt myself???  Then I was mad!  Dumb knee caps!  How does one strengthen the patella, I wanted to know!

Of course, I googled "pain in kneecap when kneeling".  It could be osteoarthritis, but I don't think so.  It could be a bursitis (also called Housemaid's Knee or Preacher's Knee for obvious reasons -- neither of which could remotely pertain to me.)  It could be an inflammatory process -- but I have no swelling or redness and no pain except when putting weight on the patella.  So, maybe it's just "Donna's Knee" -- uniquely my own!

Isn't it interesting how our bodies shift and change, weaken and strengthen again?  I remember having a significant and painful shoulder bursitis when I first started practicing Yoga.  I didn't think I'd ever be able to lift and/or twist my right shoulder, nor support any weight on it.  But now I barely think of it.  I'm pain-free and fairly flexible.

Maybe my kneecap pain will subside over time.  Maybe not.  I think the more important lesson for me is acceptance of this limitation.  I really like being able to feel strong, balanced, flexible, and competent.  Does this "incompetency" make me a failed Yogi?  Of does it just make me humble?  And human?

Ah-ha!  And there we have it, don't we?  Can you love and embrace your limitations, making accommodations where needed, and still find pleasure and meaning in what you do?  As for me,  I'm learning to. ©

Namaste,  donnajurene