TREADING WATER WITH SHIVA

I feel like I am treading water.  No, not because I've taken up Paddleboard Yoga, even though that looks really cool!  Lots of photos of beautiful women doing Lord of the Dance Pose (Natarajasana) on a paddleboard floating on calm, glassy-watered lakes is inspiring for a summer yoga practice.  But my treading water feeling is the proverbial "trying to keep my head above water" analogy of having a life that is so full with tasks and responsibilities and challenges right now that I feel I've lost my equilibrium.

We live in a big old house that we love.  It's on a big piece of property with a great view.   A couple of years ago we took part of it to finally create large berms and garden beds and raised gardens for veggies.  A couple of city kids trying to go all nature-y.  I'd say it still has "potential" as it teaches me what will grow and what won't, where.  Also the deer are thanking for me all the fresh young greens of ornamental plants, shrubs and lettuce. And who knew?...weeds keep growing after one has already weeded the whole thing TWICE this spring and summer.  Plus, the old sprinkler system doesn't reach to all of the new beds, so auxiliary hoses and hand watering got added to the schedule.  Gardening is starting to feel like raising kids!

On top of that the old LP siding has finally leaked enough to cause alarm -- and a new siding project on one side of our house is underway.   We are "do it yourself-ers", so that along with replacing some windows and painting the whole house over the coming weeks is Job One right now.  We tell ourselves all this lifting, lugging, physical labor keeps our bodies in good shape and I do feel strong.  (See me beating my chest at this point.)  I also feel tired.

Let's add to that the Granny Nanny care I provide three days a week for our new granddaughter (along with my husband on days he isn't working at his part-time job or household projects) as well as being in leadership at my Unitarian Universalist church and serving on a bunch committees.  And, sadly, an extended family member has been battling a cancer that won't quit, so a bittersweet trip across the country for a visit is now also on the horizon, as I hold him in my heart with love until then.

I bet you can relate.  I'm not unique.  All of us have lives that are so full at times that it's hard to sort out where any "down time" can come or how to prioritize all the things we need to do, many on a deadline, and then try to add in all the things we want to do which can refresh and renew -- spending time with friends, watching a movie, gathering the family for a meal, staring out the window at a 4:00 a.m. sunrise, which is at least beautiful if you are suffering from a bit of stress-induced insomnia.  (Me, today.)

I know it's important, especially now, to carve out time for meditation, yoga, healthy eating, aerobic activity, and rest.  Yet, isn't it true that when we most need this intentional self-care, we neglect it as a "low priority"?  I do.  My meditation practice has disappeared -- at least the "sitting" meditation I like to do.  I tell myself I am doing "mindful" meditation as I go about my day, challenging myself to stay in the present moment, but too often my mind is racing ahead, planning the future.   I'm eating well and moving my body, thanks to my new FitBit exercise tracker which is motivating me to hit my "steps" goals and take the stairs whenever I can, which in my house is a lot.  As for Yoga...oh dear.

Two weeks ago I didn't make it into the studio at all.  Last week I was determined, so got there on Tuesday and Saturday.  This week, I don't know -- I have baby-care every day this week.  I may need to resort to a "home practice", which I can do, but not with the same enthusiasm.   Besides, just the act of walking into Yoga Circle calms me.  So beautiful, so familiar, so nurturing.  I feel myself melting into the present moment without struggle, focusing only on the movements of my body, and eventually the stillness of my mind.  I find gratitude.

Gratitude for my health, for the abundance of my life, for my beautiful home and yard, my family, my friends, my community.  All the things that seem like chores are really a blessing.  Transitions can be challenging and I feel like so many parts of my life are transitioning now, needing my attention.  On the other side of this "busy" season will come a peaceful respite, like the waves of the ocean, ebbing and flowing.  That's life.

Lord Shiva, in the Hindu tradition, is the God of Transition.  He "dances" the world into chaos and destruction which creates room for renewal.  He is the Lord of the Dance, Nataraja, and from him comes that Dancer Pose.

Maybe I'm not treading water after all.  Maybe I'm dancing toward renewal.  Jaya Shiva Skankara (Victory to the Auspicious One, Destroyer of Obstacles).

Namaste,  donnajurene